Martians and a Venus

Azure Week

2010-02-07T22:21:00.003+08:00

In line of the Bigkis Week 2010, we proudly launch

And of course, the BIGKIS-UPM campaign theme.

Watch out for more. :)

The Year That Was

2009-12-29T05:32:00.003+08:00

You know,they always refer the outgoing year as such,so much it is a cliché. Anyway,2009, I would probably say,has been a fruitful one for me. Not a banner year perhaps,but a year when I finally got back on the tracks. I really was busy,so much that I barely had time to sleep. Ah! Sleep! I really hoped I had more of such these days.

Also,I met someone. Quite some value I must say. But in the deep recesses of our beings,there lies some truth on what we had and what we're currently having. And sadly, although I had hoped that it be a happy ending, the tragedy of it all would still remain as is.

2008. Almost but not quite. 2009? Almost,and hanging by the thread. I hope 2010 would be different. What to do? Perhaps the reason why the clearest part of the sky is the farthest would be so that we always try to reach for it. Haha. Gaad. I never did change.

And yes,nakikipagaway na pala ko. Although always choosing the higher path. :)

Happy 2010!

Uncouth

2009-08-28T10:49:00.003+08:00

Earlier..

At about a quarter past 8am, I was nearing Padre Faura, apparently late for my meet. The bus which bragged of its supposed airconditioned mech, failed to deliver the service. It was too humid and hot inside, that it was sweltering. I stood in preparation of my going off the bus, when suddenly, behind me, was this massive woman, who was amazingly irksome. And so.

Woman: Excuse me.

Me: *walked further towards the bus door*

Woman: Excuse.

Me: *to myself* hindi ata niya nagets na bababa din ako. Tanga lang.

Woman: *louder* excuse?

Me: Miss, pare-pareho lang tayo bababa, wag kang excited, ok?

....And so, my beautiful day started. Blame it to that pending heat wave.

Tick-tock Tick-tock.

2009-02-09T16:32:00.002+08:00

I feel this love month would make a bit of a difference unlike the past few years'. Oh well. Ganun ata talaga, pag hindi mo hinahanap, may nangyayari. :-P

Seriously, I never had my own share of euphoria during the Valentines' season. Minalas lang ng mga pinipili.

Anyway, we'll see. Yay!

I'm Trying to Create a Senseful Entry

2009-01-24T00:47:00.003+08:00

After sipping bottles and bottles of heavy beer, after recovering from a sickness, I knew I was goddamn alright. Hindi na din kasi nakatanggi. :) But I don't mind. My folks weren't worried much, so why would I?

Although the night ended nice, it was miles from what I was expecting. The night was young. Or is young, and I've no plans of going home the earliest possible. Kaya lang, people have been cruel not to be considerate, so I had no choice.

Digression. I had this instant realization of a certain desire. Apparently, I've been seeing faces and faces, and it's kind of alarming. You could say hallucinations. Must have been the drug. Or not.

Well anyway, I've yet to see the result. Sana lang talaga.

...And I made sure, hindi ito masyadong maiintindihan. :-P which proves na hindi pa talaga ako drunk.

My Kind of a Saturday Eve

2009-01-11T21:11:00.006+08:00

Sunday, 7am: We actually went home.

Sunday, 3:30am: Headed off to Franz's house. And then dozed off after a short chat.

Sunday, 2am-3:30am: Nearby local bar. Now with Jena. Had food and beverages. (The life!)

Sunday, 10:45pm to 1:35am : A curious date with Benjamin Button. :)

Saturday, 9:45pm. Met up with Nano and Franz.

Beautiful. Beautiful Movie. Just Beautiful. What better way to start the year.

When Death becomes a Resolution

2008-11-09T21:48:00.001+08:00

"Enjoy Life. There's plenty of time to be dead. "

Enthused by my cutesy friend Danica. Apparently, it kind of seemed like a running joke then. Well, sabagay, in the land of the living, it's easy to die, to kill, or take away life. On the other hand, mahirap bumuhay ng patay na. To un-die someone, if there's such a phrase. To die, just so simply means, coming to a complete halt.

We cry when people dear to us leave us for some place else. Going out of the country, or relocating someplace else, it doesn't matter. For the many of us, physical contact is just as important. Tangibility. And again, just like the aforementioned, when this comes to a sudden stop, we are stunned. Actually, what dawns first is the sudden stop. And then, we don't know what to do next, how to act, how to respond, because it is our first instinct is to adapt, first at hand.

That is just temporary leaving. Places. Earth-bounded. And then comes, the permanence.

And we call it Death.

With the recent string of events, a neighbor on the verge of dying due to a terminal illness, an old teacher suffering from ESRD (End-stage renal disease), and the heart shattering demise of some of my friends' pals, I couldn't let these things pass by without me mulling over the subject. Actually, it really is difficult, even for me who's not directly hit by the grief. And to this note, how much more to the closely related?

Death may sound bad. Even fearsome. I am scared as well. Scared as hell. I don't know to where I am bound to just in case. And I know, this sentiment is shared by the majority. Una-unahan lang talaga, in the race, where no one wants to take the lead. And then the others go , prepared, while some, are gotten, at the snap of the finger.

I am not promulgating anything for my recent post. I just felt it rightful that I give my share, and to pour my musings. This may sound mawkish, but this is another current reality we have to face. Because it happens. At any given time.

I dedicate this post to EJ, and to the friend of Soulmate Karen. I don't know if I have the right, but since you've made them happy during your lifetime, then, I owe you a part of their goodness. You may not know me, might not ever heard of me, but since you make an impact to them, I could almost feel the waves you've made.

See you at the afterlife! And just so you know, you are loved. :)

Current Reality

2008-10-07T18:10:00.001+08:00

Because I kind of missed Karen Beltran (no, I DO miss her!), for she is my current merms, and I call her my soulmate and milady, I decided to go grab her latest brainchild. Thanks for the title!

Festival Supermall. Starbucks to be specific. Yuck. Here again. At this pfft-forsaken place where everybody drinks high-maintenance caffeine in tall cups. And I wonder what was I doing here on a Sunday night (Oct 5). I missed a church visit because I opted to go on a little shopping spree. And to breathe air. Haha. Usual litany. No, they call this self-mode. During weekdays, I couldn't even hear myself think. Sometimes, I would just stare at space during those few idle times, and suddenly, in a jiffy, you are zapped back to reality. How's that?

Digression. Sorry about that. Now, this place, reminds me of simple questions I once posed to myself, and a few unfortunate beings. The lady at my corner, cozily seated on a couch, and wearing beautifully that white asymmetrical dress, and donned a hairstyle fitting for a celebrity, why is she here? And this American seated next to me, sipping on his hot coffee, with nicely cut jeans and seemingly-genuine Giordano top, why is he here? And those young adults, nicely dressed, for a Sunday night, why are they here? All of which narrows my inquiry. What has gone into today's society that these people all flock to coffee-drenched-atmosphere shops to relive singlehood. Haha there.

Sometime, I've mulled with the idea on the variety of these details. Starbucks, Figaro, UCC, Cafe Breton, Coffee Bean, you name them, they all foster that ambience suitable for singles, and those wanting to break from this status. For almost at a cost of $3.00, you get the usual high the coffee brings into the soul, plus the sight of some singles searching for singles. It has become the local bar at the tinseltown, when everything has become more or less subtle.

Being single is not at all bad. (Ows?!) Really. Pray tell, I hope I do get some amen from here. Haha. But seriously, the way these things do to one's imagination, they could be so astonishing. I mean the coffee shops and all. And going back to the singlehood, I've read that to put oneself in the shoe of a single, isn't that easy. In a world that is today, it is far harder to be single than to be attached. In a sea of people, all coddled by their SO (Significant Other), it makes you want to double take and hurl stuff. And yeah, what could be more difficult than preventing yourself from doing so.

At least, when you are single, you get to admire people for as long as you like. Hmm. And for those houses that the coffee beans built, whoever started the idea, thank you for giving me the temporary high. At least!.

Disturbia

2008-09-25T18:09:00.005+08:00

No, not one of Rihanna's recent offerings. But these are indeed disturbing. Whoever made these shots, I wonder.

And prepare yourself for this one.

I know. I was thinking of the same thing. Lol.

Satellite Feed

2008-08-28T18:03:00.003+08:00

Laugh. Scorn. Scoff.

Just a few of what I did upon catching a glimpse of this bite-sized photo. More of like a photo-op actually. It entirely elicited waves of emotions from me, enumerating the aforementioned. Of course, I wouldn't be brandishing all of these had I known this one isn't very much familiar, but it certainly is!

Once there was a web. And this picture combines two of the most-sought after spiders once entangled in that habitat. Hahaha! I really am in the mood to post images but unfortunately, doing so would ressurect the dead from the sarcophagus. So, I shan't post this tiny-winy flick.

But it is certainly funny. Guess now, and do it here! But for the meantime, it's for me to know and everyone to find out.

Near-Catatonia

2008-08-28T17:27:00.002+08:00

No. Catatonia is not any other place on earth. And, it is nowhere near Carthaginia, please.

But if I almost came close to the State of Catatonia, this could be it. And word of caution for me: I visit the place, passport-less, 9 hours, 5 days a week, excluding non-office interactions! Gesundheit!

...And this is the start of my "medical profession". Just got really better. :)

Oratia Imperata per se

2008-08-21T17:38:00.005+08:00

Punctuality. I was never a part of this one.

Cliche. Perhaps long ago, I was fast asleep when the virtue of punctuality befell mankind. Fortunately, there was this crack on the roof, and I was spared a few miniscule droplets. From thereon, I had little knowledge of what punctuality was like, but then so, never really practiced that much.

During frequent meets, I was always the "most late". At least, I didn't let my old job affect my attendance and punctuality. What I lacked for punctuality, I more than made up for attendance. And performance. Nice. Even in school, that would speak for me, but then again, punctuality slowly crept its way up to the hierarchy, being ONE of the standards. Crap.

Whenever my friends and I schedule a stroll, it was imperative on the occasion that I "arrive" an hour and a half before the "scheduled" meet. Quote and quote. I don't know how bad I am afflicted with the cancer but I usually, no, always(?) arrive one and a half hour AFTER the deadline. How funny. But that's what friends are for. You abuse them with all your might. Who else in the world could you abuse than them?

And with that, I was branded as "tardy". It was supposed to mean "late late". Duper duper is already 80's mind you.

But lately, with the recent introduction of excitement and new-found passion, I may have discovered the indomitable ingredients of finally vanquishing this illness. Tell you what, I haven't been late ever since in my recent stint! I guess I wouldn't have to see myself as a septuagenarian before I do the unthinkable. Or I wouldn't have to surrender myself to an Oratio Imperata! Haha!

....And my new motto? Being on time, is certainly being LATE.

Poverty Extremes

2008-07-24T18:07:00.004+08:00

Question: If you had a windfall of 100-billion dollars, what would you do with it?

This was the inquiry I posed to a few persons I know. And I've gotten a few so startling answers.

Randee: I would be a businessman. And start businesses! ssssssssssssss.

Randi: I would donate them to charity. (And who the hell is charity?)

Hydnar: Put it in the bank. (You could own a bank---err..no, banks!- Ed.)

Randyh: World Peace. *then grins*

But then again, we are talking, not in US dollars, but in Zimbabwean dollars! Here's the rest of the story:
Zimbabwe has been experiencing a very incredulous turbulence in its recent history. The world media has been hyped in almost all of its affairs, not mentioning its political environment. Getting the lion's share of course is the country's Hyperinflation, which a few month's ago reached a staggering 2,000,000%. The Philippines had 11.4%, and we've been in hell ever since, so just imagine the scenario.

The funny thing is, the statistics is still climbing. And fast!

Here are the pictures. I, myself, find these amusing.

Wages are normally paid in cash. And the lady's plentiful. Wow, mayaman!

So, if you had a 100-billion cold-hard-cash, in Zimbabwe, what could you buy?

Simple. Just plain simple.

Cost of an egg in Zimbabwe: $35 billion. Haggling would put you 3 eggs for a hundred billion. What a discount.

Trivia: As bad as things are, however, Zimbabwe's economic crisis is still a miles away from taking a place alongside history's worst cases of hyperinflation. That crown still belongs to post-WWII Hungary, where at its peak the rate of inflation was 4.19 quintillion percent. At that point, you might as well start paying for things with hugs.

So, if you think you are poor, think again.

Here and To Go

2008-07-10T17:50:00.003+08:00

Just living life. Hehe. Just got afraid, baka mawala bigla ang site ko sa blogosphere, so I made (finally!) an update. No, there's no news YET. In a few months, hopefully.

Yiy. Ang bata ko pala sa pic ko dito. But I've no intention na palitan ito muna. Iba na din ang hairstyle ko. The ever-inggitero na nagpapalit ng hairstyle pag natipuhan. Ginaya ko lang yung style ni Chace Crawford aka Nate Archibald sa GG. Haha! Feeler.

And. Wala akong comment sa kondisyon ng bansa. Or anything for that matter.

And. Magaling na akong mag-Dota. Long-range nga lang muna. One-on-one? Group?

Anyway, I kind of miss everyone. Really. Di nga lang halata. See you in the next coupla years!

Friday Night Live (?)

2008-05-09T23:33:00.004+08:00

Coming from a Kapamilya, this may seem biased, pero gusto ko lang iparating na maganda ang current line-up ng shows sa Primetime Bida. Mula sa Singing Bee, Lobo (ay wow!), PBB Teen Edition Plus (minsan, corny at nakakaleche, pero pag makita ko lang ang duo, ay sumasaya na ulet), Maligno (I'm already humming the theme! Yay!), at Lovers (lately, nakakaasar na yung storyline, haha! Pero kung bakit, isa itong sikreto. :-P). May MMK pa sa friday nights (currently watching the Mother's day episode with Bea! Namimiss ko na pala ang MSKM!!!).

Sa totoo lang, medyo iniiwasan ko ang panunuod o pagbabasa ng mabibigat yung plots etc. Napapaisip kasi ako. And for the most part of it, nagsasanga sanga na sila. And then theory formulation na. Blame it to boredom! Or siguro, sakin na din. :-P

Sa totoo lang, corny na din ang maging malungkot. Kaya kumakain lang ako. Lately, mas nakakabother ang walang kasingtulad na boredom. Ang saya kaya nung isang araw. Tas naging busy dahil may inasikaso. Tas ngayon, idle naman. Nakakamatay. Grabe.

Ok. Nakatingin na naman ako sa space. Wow. Kakaiba nato. AYYYY! Iisipin ko na lang yung latest na nagpapasaya saken na LSS ko. WAHAHAHAHA. OMG. Di ako ma-over sa kabulastugan nung mamang yun. Hahaha. :)) Lately lang nagsisink-in saken yung ginawa niyang out of this world, palibhasa bago sa pandinig ko. HAHA!

PS. Box Office talaga. haha!

PGH Blue Card

2008-05-08T23:10:00.003+08:00

As of now, I feel tired and a little depressed. Napabilis ang aking pagbabalik sa Maynila due to a certain number of reasons. Actually, I've no intention talaga na makita muna ang CAS para naman mamiss ko naman din kahit pano. (Un)Fortunately, nasira yun nung dumaan ako dun kahapon. Pati pala kanina. Kahapon was fine and good. Ngayon was way way way worse.

Anyway, my advice is that hindi ako mejo dapat na nilalapitan lately. Or momentarily for that matter. Hindi ko din alam. Medyo pabago-bago din kasi ang mood ko. Tulad kanina. Financially, Physically, Psychologically, at Intellectually Wasted ako kanina. For starters, galing pala ako ng PGH, at tinulungan si Jena na magpa-admit. Tangina, (at di pa ako nagrereklamo nito ah!), ako ata ang gumalaw! Naging dakilang utusan ako by the way. Palibhasa, alam na alam ko ang pasikot sikot ng PGH, and mga wards, pharmacies, OPD, cashier, exit halls, laboratories, photocopying machines and the like. So, it was very beneficial for them. My gulay, what would they do without me.

Apparently, instant blood donor din pala ako. So, dapat nagpahinga na ako. But NO. Ay, di pala ako nakapag-breakfast. Tas I ran errands pa. Yey. :) Well, bestfriend naman kasi, at ako lang ang andun the entire duration, so no choice.

Come afternoon, I seemed like I ran the whole mile. But I still had to buy those medicines and stuff para matapos lang. Wow diba. Kaya eto, masakit ang ulo ko, masama pa loob ko. Nakakastress magmingle sa mga pasyente at warring hospital staff, nurses and all. At marami pang kabwisitan na itatago ko na lang muna. Nag-isip na lang ako ng magagandang bagay wag lang masira ang araw ko.

When I decided to take the day off (wow, katulong?), it was like I've just had my Annus Horribilis. And I was unexpectedly depressed. Read: Depressed. So, I grabbed a whole dozen of Go Nuts, at nilantakan lahat. Wala, binuhos ko sa pagkain. Bumili din ako ng freshly squeezed mango juice and a bottle of water. So, kumain ako mag-isa. Mag-isa. Nakakabadtrip na wala kang makausap talaga at mag-rant kaya eto, bottled-up emotions na naman. Pfffft. :)

Kaya sana gumaling na siya. Dahil ewan ko na lang ha. Grabe naman na ata yang sinapit ko.

PS. I was in PGH the entire 13 grueling hours, 6am up to 7pm. Talk about endurance! :-P

SM Advantage Card :-P

2008-05-07T23:30:00.003+08:00

I should be sleeping already. I've been told not to sleep late for tomorrow's mission. Blood Donation. :) For Jena. Kelangan gumising ng 3:30am dahil 6am, dapat andun na. Which I hope I could do. Nakakapagod kasi ang araw. Been running to and fro para kay Jena, at tumunton ng mga lugar. Masaya naman. Yey to that.

Two Big days in a row. Argh. At least, masaya naman. :) It's so nice to be back. I probably need to muster every reason possible para di na ako bumalik ulet sa tinakasan ko na nasa malayo na. Currently, ilang araw pa lang, dalawang reason agad. Namiss ko pala si Jena, at dumaldal sa kanya. Hehe.

Kelangan ng matulog. So bye for now. O, ayan ha. Nakangiti na. Mukha ng aso. Wahahaha. :)

Lost Soul

2008-04-28T16:54:00.003+08:00

Last night, I was very much in a state of oblivion. I hurriedly went out of the house to walk along the streets. It was 1am. The cool breeze complemented the cool water which hugged my whole body under the showers a few minutes ago. Cool. Such coolness against the warmth of my body. I quickly crossed my arms across my chest. I had to walk. I had to.

I came across a small place with drunkards happily chattering the hours away. They were noisily banging their hands on the table whenever they made their points. Such sundry discussion during the wee hours of the night. The plates, full of those meats and the like, were clattering every now and then due to the crowded space they occupy. I do not know why I was staring at them for like a minute or so, taking note of what they were doing up to each detail. It seemed like a movie, although it isn't particularly riveting. Not at all. Actually, it was closest to boring. But then, it was a good choice since I had nothing better to do at home. I've just finished the book I know I will always love, and sleeping isn't an option yet. It's another one of those nights I know I am very much good into, lazy summer nights spent staring into space in a stupor. Tonight, is different a situation since I've told myself it is better to stare at all those moving objects in a stupor, than it is to stare into space in the same stupor. So here I am now.

I passed by them after a while. I needed to walk. To calm my spirits. I needed to wail as well, but I had no one to at the moment. During these so-wanted-to-forget times, I want to talk. Endlessly. But something was stopping me from doing so. I felt the usual thorn stuck down my throat. I let out a whimper. I had to admit it. I was lonely. I was miserable. I was drowning.

After a while, I tried to compose myself. Inevitably, this is where I was headed for anyway, so why not make it now. I trudged my way back home. I let out a soft sigh as I tried to memorize everything I could lay my eyes on. I don't know for how long, I don't know why I even accepted it. Within me, I had the answer, but I'm afraid all I had were premature reasons.

Retreating to my bed, I felt a sense of nostalgia hovering over me. I looked at my phone. A few texted back, at least. I had to remember their faces, forgetting them was dreadful.

I tried to sleep. It was the best option. It was heavy. And after almost 2hours, I finally got myself into sleeping. Probably my last here. :) Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

The Walls of Jerico

2008-04-26T13:33:00.005+08:00

Miss ko na pala si Jerico. Antagal na pala simula nung iwan ko siya. :) Nalungkot ako. Iniwan ko pala siya. Naaalala ko dati, sinabi niya, iniyakan niya pala ako nung nawala ako. Mahalaga pala ako sa kanya. Sa presensiya niya, isa akong bata na may kasa-kasamang kuya na hindi pwedeng galawin kahit nino. Nagagalit siya saken kapag hinahayaan ko ang iba na daan-daanan ako, sabagay, hindi naman daw habang panahon na kasama ko siya. Pero pag may kagalit ako, kagalit na din niya. Madalas, pareho kami ng naiiisip, at ang mga isyu na gumugulo saken, iniisip din niya. Sinusubukan niyang solusyunan kahit labas na siya. Madalas kaming maglakad pauwi, tinatawanan yung mga tao at iniisipan ng pwedeng sinasabi dahil malayo sila. Pati mga nagtatagpo sa gabi, tinatawanan. Lagi kong hinihintay na sabay kami umuwi, dahil yun ang pagkakataon na magtanong ako ng kahit ano, kahit di relevant. Na madalas niyang sinasagot. Tinatanong din niya ako. Napagtanto ko na lang, sinasanay pala ako na mag-isip at humukay. Sa pagdaan, nakakasabay na din ako at nagbibigay ng payo. Masaya ako na nakakatulong, lalo pag tinatanggap niya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ipapakita ang ambag niya saken, kaya ang anumang mahalaga sa kanya, pinapahalagahan ko din. Matalino siya. At gusto ko din maging katulad niya. Pag umiiyak siya, ako ang nasasaktan, parang ang diyos na inukit ko at tinitingala ko ay unti-unting gumuguho sa aking harapan. Ngunit tao din pala siya, na mataas lamang at inilagay ko sa pedestal. Nasasaktan, pero tumatapang. Gusto ko din tumapang. Protektahan ang iba tulad ng ginawa niya saken. Gusto kong iparating na hindi sayang ang mga pangaral at ehemplo na siya.

Ngayon, kailangan ko siya. Ang sarili kong depensa, nasisira ng mabilis sa inaakala. Natatakot ako humingi ng tulong dahil baka iba ang matanggap ko sa hinihingi ko. Kaya iniisip ko ang mga taong gusto kong protektahan. Ako ang tutulong.

Minsan, dadalawin kita. Pero gagawin ko yun kapag may maikukwento na akong ikatutuwa mo. Hindi naman siguro ganun katagal. Tutal, ako ang umalis, dapat lang na ako ang bumalik. :)

Well Wishers

2008-04-10T01:26:00.003+08:00

May ewan na naglalakad. Matagal na siyang naglalakad, at ngayon lang mas napapansin. Habang tumatagal, dumadagundong ito. Dati, mahina lang ang tunog. O, siguro, hindi ko lang pinansin, dahil sa takot. Lumalakas.

Hindi ko pa nga lang alam. Nakakatawa na lang. Dati, alam ko, na kaya din palang tunawin ang bato. At kapag natunaw ang bato, minsan, ito ay nagiging putik. At masarap sa putik, para sa kaalaman ng nakakarami. Nakakapagtaka lang, na minsan, ang bato ay nanatiling bato pa rin.

The little things. They are the ones most important.

Magandang gabi sa atin, Toni. I wish you the best.

Assumptions and Presumptions

2008-04-09T00:25:00.002+08:00

A while ago ( i.e. 9pm?), I got hold of my mobile, to find out that someone texted in. It was indescribable. I was stunned, matter-of-factly, it made me settle for the stairs.

It was a simple message. And yet, it seemed to have hit home. I could have easily chided the whole incident, but it was unlikely. Very unlikely.

Grabe. Hindi naman siguro. Ganun na ba ang dating nun?

Rites.

2008-03-30T00:25:00.005+08:00

Gad. It is Sunday already.

Aatend ba ako? Pupuntahan ba kita? I still don't know. Still reeling from your tragedy. Our tragedy. Oh yes. Our tragedy. I still couldn't believe the entire incident. Although we've long talked of these, it never crossed my mind that it would be done. Although many attempts have been made, it never occured t0 me that one day, you would be that successful in it. I've long believed.. no. They've all believed that I was one of those reasons you weren't pursuing your plan. Hell. You were so desperate for it. And I dunno if I could ever forgive you. Or at least, for now. You always see to it that my decision was known to you. And I know they mattered. You've always said that I always come to your rescue. I liked the idea that I could help you as far as I could, even going overboard. Although sometimes, I may have grudged then that you weren't always there for me. Kasi naman.. Understandable still. Alam mo naman na hindi ako ma-confide na tao. And I wouldn't want to burden you even more. Between the two of us, incidentally, I was the stronger type. You had your worries, and I've had mine, but I didn't mind at all.

Hell. I couldn't spit out the words. You didn't call me right there and then. I thought it was odd that you weren't texting, or bugging me for the last few number of days. Pinagaalala mo ako. Had I not asked around, I wouldn't have known all that has happened. Nalungkot lang ako. When I should have been there, I was not. I was joking all the time, " Hindi nga kita pinapakagat sa lamok e. Magsabi ka lang. Akong bahala. " Serious issues abound, yes. And if anyone would know the magnitude of those reasons, they could probably understand. But I do not. Probably, I won't. You could have leaned on me even for the last time. Pero ganyan ka e. Kung di pa ako mangungulit, di mo sasabihin.

Selfish na kung selfish. At least ngayun lang. Madaya ka. Madaya ka lang talaga. Sarili mo lang iniisip mo. Di mo na inisip kapwa mo. Kahit ako lang. I've always dreamt of you finally overpowering me, so I could lean on you even for a fleeting moment. Still waiting for that. But I guess, you gave up. And the wait, is finally over.

Hindi mo na binigyan ang sarili mo na mabago ang tingin ko sayo. Always the selfish type. Always. Ako naman ngayon. Hell. Again, I couldn't even speak. May bumabara sa lalamunan ko. Madaya ka. Leaving me of all these guilt. You've never seen me cry, I tried not to, in your presence, because I was afraid it would crumble my whole edifice. Mahina ka kasi.

For sure, tumatawa ka diyan. Dahil mukha akong tanga. The hell I care. Galit ako sayo. And I've decided, di na lang ako pupunta. Saka na, pag mag-isa ka na lang. That way, masosolo na kita.

Thinking of it, this could have been your way to end your pains. You forgot to ask me though, if I weren't paining as well. Nah. forget about it. This could be your way to repay me. You better guard me, and eye on me for always. :)

Thanks for the laughter. And making me a worthy person. I wish we could have laughed on all your stuff for like forever. Pero, good things come to an end. Good people end as well. Nauna ka lang. Tsk. Kala mo, when I see you after a few good years, I'm gonna give you a good scolding, like you always get from me. And when I see that smirk on your face, I'll punch you in the gut. :-P Kita mo na, ngayun pa lang, namimiss na ata kita.

Two San Miguel's

2008-03-12T22:12:00.005+08:00

Miss Philippines-World 2008

Master Debunker

I was a little embezzled at how these San Miguel's made their stunning camera debuts.
And it seemed that they had glaring similarities. Would you happen to know what are some of those? Of course, there's not a tinge of any based on their physical features.

Yes! Public scrutiny has made them "Persons-of-the-Hour". Lucky them, that is longer than the usual 15-minute fame. Apparently, they seem to have failed some of their audience on what they should have answered. But the limelight is more evident on the former. For the rest of the evidence, click here.

...And as for the latter, I could only say a few words. Buti na lang at kinontra mo silang lahat. Click here for the news article.

I wonder. Baka bumaba bigla ang San Miguel at tusukin sila pareho. Ahahaha! :-P

I Think I Just Died..

2008-03-04T01:41:00.003+08:00

Haha! For the past few days, I've been reading this someone's comment from someone to someone and vice versa. What a nice swap. The thing is, I think I just died the first time I've read them. WO-AH! And then, I did some further searching, and guess what?! Haha! Natunaw ako! Awwwwshucks! Tangina. One word. Nakakakilig! :-P

Anyway, that one may be too much showcasing of emotions. Or rather sensationalizing it. Nya ha. Digression. I've just read from a news article the recent manufacture if this fragrance that MAY be the one exactly used by the Cleopatra. They've called it, Nenufar, apparently. Cleopatra's Sacred Scent!

Here's a short description for this scent:

"..Head spacing the substances found (stealing their aromas through scientific instrumentation) as with Nenúfar, the flower's perfume was diffused into a polymer filter with the air around it and then reconstructed as the aroma of the Blue Lotus, a bloom sacred to all Pharaohs. The flower's chemistry contained a hallucinogen, myristicin. Egyptians got high steeping the petals in wine and drinking the wine. (The poem 'The Land of the Lotos Eaters' depicts this). The chemistry of the flower's perfume is kept intact with the humble nutmeg spice, which contains myristicin..."

The latter picture is Ankh, another perfume. The one purportedly used by King Tut. While the middle one is named Pyxis.

Here's another article:

Three perfumes Pyxis, Nenúfar and Ankh, debuted recently at the British Museum in the context of an exhibition on Tuthankamen. The whole collection currently comprises Nenúfar, "Cleopatra's sacred scent", Ankh, "Tuthankamen's aroma of intrigue", and Pyxis "The lost perfume of Pompeii".

Oh gad. The Aroma of the Pharaohs. The Scents of Time as they are touted.

Someone's doing an Angelina Jolie!

2008-02-22T00:30:00.008+08:00

(Disclaimer: This post is very much dedicated for certified Kapamilya. To all those others, you are all welcome to read. One thing though: Go, Team Kapamilya!)

So much for the fanfare, but definitely, one of the fastest growing hobby of the planet is being a UN Ambassador. Apparently, celebs and the like all want to be part of the new craze, and whether the intentions are pure enough or not, at least, everyone gets to be happy-- from them celebrities, to the beneficiaries, to the razzis.

And lo and behold. The latest addition is none other than ABS-CBN's newest hot property, and she's selling like hotcakes, another proof of that Hotcake theory. Well anyway, if anybody would think that Angel Locsin is the giant network's new queen, better think again. This Sharon-Gabby resultant, obviously the apparent heir, could be so much more fitting for the title. Yes, she is Kristina Cassandra, or KC. Yey. :) The Philippines’ first National Ambassador Against Hunger.

Endorsements, Ads, to think she hasn't yet been fully launched. And she acts! Great. And she sings! Hallelujah. And she does some hosting, and my, she's a natural!

The last time she was seen at a length over the idiot box was at Maalaala mo kaya. Too bad I wasn't able to watch it, but needless to say, I think it was beauteous.

She may not have the lips of the Jolie (thank heavens, for it could've been disastrous), but she could carry on the battle. We'll get more updates from hereon. Who knows, she may even have her own Maddox. I am now adopting a wait-and-see attitude.

Picturesque and Almost Mobbed

2008-02-18T01:56:00.008+08:00

Yesterday (no, make that Saturday), I was touring Binondo all by myself. I was trying to pull off this photographer act but it turned out that I looked like some paparazzi going after some juicy pics. Blame it to the attire I'm on. Plus the shades and the jacket. The weather was cooperative. It was breezy. That provided enough reason to put on that jacket. [Jacket by Rosa. Thanks! :) ]

Here are some. Too bad they aren't for the public eye as of the moment. They'll be put on a display. I hope.

These men. They literally chased me after getting some shots of 'em. Natakot ako. Parang mob.

This one is a personal fave. :D

Of course. Mango and Chocolate. Never fails to make me happy. :-P

Big thanks to Lala. Saviour ka ha. Swear. Yey. And dun sa mga nagreply sa text nung nangungulit ako dahil bored ako. Thanks. Muntik pala akong masagasaan. Therefore, I cussed. :-P

From the Enemy's Eye

2008-02-17T01:03:00.003+08:00

Little by little, day by day, it becomes glaringly clear that the purpose I have momentarily is to clean up the mess that you've been nonchalantly doing. While you reap the benefits and the good of every little thing and every person you are wasting, I am left to cure those that have been injured in the process. And in that same manner, as someone I know have so beautifully and successfully graduated from the recesses you have created, it is magnificently funny that the helper has become the needy. And whatever happened to the debt of gratitude?

History and all the way to the future. I hope you get your poison. And to hell for those who shall admonish for its administration.

Fuck the Regulations

2008-02-13T17:23:00.003+08:00

I was actually about to relate some of the movies I've watched earlier. And boy was I glad I did so. They made my day.

BUT. Oh yes, on the "but" side. I was confoundedly appalled at the recent discovery I've so far had. Never was I really wrong about these things, so to speak. It seems that people nowadays wouldn't desist from being just themselves. AH! Too much imitation, too much finding of common threads when there really is none, too much making of common threads when there really is none, too much of since-you-like-it-I-shall-love-it-as-well-because-you-like-it. Circular definition. haha! It's as if the desperation of wanting to fit in and keep up is taking its toll.

...And I call it funny. Fumblesome. I'm just glad the streets have not lost any single original being in there. I'm a tad afraid I shall stumble upon a photocopied version of someone. Oh. And I almost forgot, it's a panorama that some others have finally detached from this sickness. 'Coz it really is sickening up to the very detail. Makes me wanna puke.

This is a spectacle. I'm in the front row seat. I would appreciate to have someone sit beside me and watch the entire feat. Let me know for any reservations. My contacts are still intact, as of the moment. :-P

Puhleeese. Coup de grace.

Greed Moderately

2008-02-12T02:22:00.000+08:00

Set and unfurled before the eyes of the entire nation is the continuing teleserye that is the NBN-ZTE deal scandal. If the two big networks have been scurrying for perfect material for their primetime tills, this could be it. No scripts, but heavy drama is most efficiently embedded. How could anyone so imagine a bald man crying and moping around for a done deal, which is of course, as we know, not that really done yet. This whistleblower, Jun Lozada, is absolutely, on the top of the game as of recent to expose the apparent graft in this "procurement". The revelations are astounding, and only by far rivalled by Maging Sino Ka Man in its entirety. Indeed, it encompasses every field and genre there is. There shall be no need of any Viveka Babajee to rig any awards night. For obvious reasons, the greatest actors are in absentia in the local showbiz pool. The nuns are there, the military could be somewhere lurking, and the senators provide for most of the shape-shifting. They have their interests! And who wouldn't love Miriam for being uh.. Miriam. All the valid questions done via the most interesting accent. And take note the timing.

We shall see more of this savory take every now and then. And we shall title this continuing saga as what? Sinakal,Nagbakasakali, Saklolo!? Or $130 million heaps under the sea? Or Abalos: The greedy barber of the Wack Wack street.

..And there was Fear, Power and Sickness

2008-01-19T03:10:00.000+08:00

The day was rather unproductive yet tiring. Which is of course not good. Coming home from work is at its worse, especially if you do it when the sun is already up, say 7:30am? I have an 11.30 am class and I projected myself into coming home about 8:30 or 9am. It was rather dumb of me and the entire office to have left me sleeping in my station for the entire 2hours, when I should be at home then already. No one even bothered to wake me up, for whoever's sake. I almost jumped from my seat knowing fully well I was sleeping in a working place. Oh well. Too much for being coo-ed to much in the office. Boo-hoo. I have a life in the morning, ok?

To add to the complexity, I found bloodstain in my bed a few moments after I woke up. No I wasn't pregnant, or anything, I don't even have a uterus (and don't intend to have) to begin with. My mom panicked at the sight of blood, only to find out that it came from a wound. And I was feeling sick the entire day, so sick that I had decided not to go to school. Good thing the exam was moved for the tuesday, and it was a relief. Plus the fact that I don't have pretty much of an activity for school that day. And I've got this field trip on a saturday afternoon.

I was feeling sick the entire day, but I was afraid to go to sleep. So afraid I was that it attacked me from behind, therefore putting me on an afternoon slumber. It was a rather sad afternoon, and I was feeling lonely I had to commission my brother to forego any activity and just stay in the sala and watch me sleep. It was again that fear lurking from somewhere, and I was afraid it would engulf me entirely.

It was indeed a slow day, and it was just heightened with this small fight I had with the elder of my going to law school. Anyway, they've talked of it yesterday over dinner and this caucus reached a consensus of being against my decision. Of course, who could stop me when I am the single biggest key influence of the household. This shall hold true for every member of the household. I hold you by the neck, fellows. And you know very well what I am talking of.

Quote of the day:

"The world is teeming with engots!" -- Dona Corazon Roxas vda. Berenguer

Ground State

2008-01-17T00:40:00.000+08:00

I think it would just be normal, and apparently befitting that I'd be feeling a little sad and down. The day had been somewhat good and benign to me that there was little room for worries and the like. To add up, it would be normalcy just working on its own. What I mean is, after experiencing numerous hypes, spontaneities, highs and laughters, one must learn to go back to the ground state. Parang electron lang yan e. You would be injected an amount of energy, making one jolt to the excited state, afterwhich you are expected to go back to the ground state, as mentioned beforehand.

Yay. I miss my mom. Si mama. I wanna be baby-ied again. In every sense of the word. Being this young adult could really get into the nerves. And rather frustrating. And it sucks, indeed. I just wanna crawl back to mama and bumuntot lang muna. Wala lang. And give her this really really big hug.
I miss Randolfh. Again. For some absurd reason, having your twin just sitting beside you in the living room and laughing with you at all those Ace Ventura movies prove to be satisfying. And they add up to the sense of security.
I miss the banana split.
I miss doing text marathons. Talking incessantly over issues both important and insanely irrelevant is my cup of tea. I like conversing. And having that single message serving as a reply never failed to thrill me. Yey yey.
I miss my soulmate. Tsk. Ikaw e. Fueled me to create this blog entry. I commiserate with you. La lang. Para at least, may kasama ka.
I was really scared with that man directly opposite me in the jeep kanina. He was constantly coughing out the pain in his chest. I dunno. It elicited the fear in me. May naalala lang siguro ako. I once had respiratory ailments. And I think this is phobia already. :-(
Lying, for the most of it, it makes me insane. Basta. Duwag lang talaga siguro ako. OR takot sa madaming bagay. At alam kong ako lang mag-isa ang haharap sa lahat ng iyon.
I am a tad excited with what Rosa's gonna give me. This organizer she says. Rosa talaga o.My oh my. This shall mark the first time that someone's given me this gift, a rather useful one. Wala pala ako masyadong gifts last holidays. Oh well.
I miss that little thing lurking inside the room. It was nice seeing you again.
Ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam ng pagkabusog. Naaaburido ako.
The office commands a great deal of negativity. I just want to go home just now. Or go someplace else..
I miss Lala. And her antics. Isa ka pala sa hinanap ko agad at the onset of classes.
No matter how busy I seem to get, it's not the "busy" I really intend to be. It bugs me that sometimes, I just stare at blank space and do nothing when in fact I should be doing something.
Time and again. Di naman galit. Just a little frustrated with why you have to leave me with this "ugali" I know I was never born with. It makes me cry sometimes. If I could just do away with it..
Nadudurog lang ang puso ko sa kakasulat ng post na to. Wala lang. Not by any reason. Perhaps personal mishaps.
I shall be heeding Ann's constant piece of advice. Sleep them away. And I'm a little sleepy na din, come to think of it.
Kailangan ko nga talaga siguro ng doctor. The real one. Seriously. This time, pwera biro.
After eons, it seems as though I'm still at this very same spot. Dumaan nga ba ang ilang taon?
Sana may magtext. A quote? A personal hi and hello? A reassurance? A "long time no see"? Not being helpless, but rather needy. Just someone to talk to.
UP. You have taken so much from me. My happiness. My stability. The kid in me.

I'm not sad. I'm just exhausted. Plus the negative ambience. Coupled with sheer, inert fear. And people have been quite sad, and I'm so not in the mood to buck that trend.

Good Evening. Happy smiles tomorrow. :)

This Vehicle of Thought

2008-01-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

Glimpse. Glimpse. Stare. Glare. Glimpse.

Ever since, and just like that previous post, I've always maintained myself into seating on this particular section of the bus. Barring unforeseen crimes, of which, I am a veteran already, taking a bus ride has always, and has never failed to shower me all those memories, both happy and the not-so-happy. Sometimes, I wince upon some thoughts, and sometimes, they bring smiles and grins. Traversing the same old path that we all call EDSA, I've associated places with people, people with places, places with events that mattered, and events that could've taken place.

Anyway, just a heads-up, I've chosen to sit on the right side of the bus heading north and to the left, southbound. I've desired to sit beside the open window, and look far and out to see what changes I have taken for granted. Probably also to see desire in its incarnate form. You see desire everyday, but you get to want to see desire when it is sleeping.

Dextrorotatory. The rightmost part. The one most proximal to the window. The cold wind of the early morning. I once glanced at the left, only to see flashes of lights, the busy bodies. Yes, I smiled, but it is the matter of going back to where the smiles are more evident.

It is the matter of where you are most comfortable. You get the highs and lows, but it is where you feel stable.

Glance. Glance. Stare. Smile.

The Streak

2008-01-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

In a few hours, and finally, my state of being awake shall cease. Not counting the 45minute sleep I've managed earlier the day, and the less than an hour nap before office proper, this would by far account for the longest time I am conscious. The last time I've had normal sleeping was tuesday, up to 7pm. So. Had I heeded the call of my friends to join the centennial parade for tuesday, that would've meant death for me earlier.

So. What have I done?

Tuesday Eve to Wednesday Dawn

Went to work.
Helped made a Ppt presentation. Of which will be in dire futility the morning afterwhich.
Was commisioned for an OT, overtime, that is. And because I was Mr. Congeniality, I was all smiles. And an eye closed.
More smiles. =) Di makapaghintay e. Yey.

Wednesday Morning to Wed Evening

Arrived home, past 7am.
Was horrified to have made an error in my project. Blah. Finished it off.
Made a new record. Ate breakfast, bathed, dressed up. All in less than 30minutes. I owe it to Mama. She was immediately stressed when I came home because she was the one who prepared the meal and my semi-formal suit. Hay. miss na kita, mama.
8:30am. Went to Yuchengco Museum. Come worst. My bag snapped. The heat was scorching. My eyes were tired. The bus gave up on us passengers, so thank you taxi cab. Thank you traffic. Thank you precious legs, I had to run. Thank you time, for going slow I was late for 40minutes.
Thank you, A/C. I would've appreciated more had the room been a lot colder. Yeah.
Had a fun time. Then went for a stroll, the Ayala way. I never imagined that being left alone with the tall buildings would be so enjoying. And then, I went to CAS. More yey.
More strolling. And tired myself even more by briskly walking. Oh well, at least I was eating majestically.
Went to a mass. Part of the day's itinerary. Kelangan magpasalamat.
Dined with friends.
Good times ahead. :-P
Went to work.

*Notice the absence of "Slept"*

Thursday Dawn up to-date

Went home. 7:30am.
Was scolded by dad. For slowly killing myself.
Yey. 45minute sleep. Then made preparations for school.
School.
After-classes constituted some walking to and from, and window-shopping and lots of eating. And they were fun. But I was at the brink of shutdown. Symptoms? Feeling light-headed.
Date with Blythe. Over pizza. But I was somewhere, virtually.
Headed for work. And watched TV!
Power nap.
Now.

Right now, I yearn for sleep. What I would give for even a 4-hour sleep. Buti na lang talaga.

Welcome, 2008!

2008-01-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

For the last two yearends from the creation of this blog, I've never yet created any official last post for that year.

Anyway, funny it may look that old habits never seem to die, and unfortunately, they worsen. But not much. Wala lang. Real funny.

It's the new year. 2008. I've yet to think of my resolutions. So far, tardiness would be on the top of the list. And others. And others. And those those those others I couldn't even specify.

There's still chance. It's only 2days. 364 days pa naman [leap year ngayon!].

Talk about crap. My very first entry for the year is indeed a crap. Haha!

Happy 2008!

Garbage. Trash.

2007-12-27T00:40:00.000+08:00

December 26. A day after Christmas. You shall go down in history as.. uh. memorable day. Well, first and foremost, for no reason. I kept on recalling whatever has happened earlier, I mean, to substantiate or even justify this feeling. And just to set things straight, I think there's no single reason for this. They could be a conglomerate of many many many many super many things, so many, I couldn't identify them.

1. Ate tons of pasta. Spaghetti. And white sauce. There was also macaroni. And how about lasagna? Does anyone have a past study about overeating pasta? Coupled with barbecues and hotdogs and choco mousse cake and choco bars with...uhh.. yuck..peanut. And menudo. There.

2. Watched. Again. The series of Grey's anatomy. I was literally glued to the TV screen and the dvd player hummed for hours. I've instantly influenced Kuya Dennis and Randolfh and they were with me, sitting, for hours. My Kuya Anthony was in a fighting mood, he wanted to watch but he had to go through the three of us. Actually, just my presence is more than enough. I just had to give hm the stern look. Barring unforeseen provocations, I would have gone mad and literally stabbed him from the behind. Seriously.

3. PC games. And the hell, I kept on losing on every attempt on every game. What's wrong with the world? Lemme win! World, nakakailan ka na a.

4. Slept. Freakin 2 hour afternoon sleep. I was awakened when I felt my chin was wet. I thought it was a drool, and I freaked out. Turns out, somebody played prank. Hell. The occupants of the house are 20years and OLDER.

5. Fortunately, watched MSKM. Goodness, I missed thee! Saviour ka, Jackie and Celine! Pati si Monique, akalain mong bananas in pajamas daw kayo ni Veron? Hahaha.

6. Did marathon texting. And I dunno. It was by far, not that enjoyable. Haha. Ok naman. But I wasn't in the mood. But I just texted. And texted. My fingers are designed for the cellular keypads. See this one? Grimace.

7. Went to work. By far, the most unfortunate. The very presence of these people trigerred probably the sense of being alone. Which is ironic. That theory again. I just want to go home. And I wish those residents not picking up their phones overseas would be dead meat. Rotten. You make everyone's track record dismal. Include me there!

Lots of sigh. I'm not even sad. Actually, I'm more of troubled. I was asking Jerico what the hell is this. He couldn't even decipher, to my relief. Buti na lang. Walang makakaalam. Kahit ako. And take note, everything else seems stable. I feel as if this is another of those planetary conspiracy. Hello! Is this another of those cosmic jokes?! Favor, do me a fa-a-a-avor. Exclude me, kahit ngayon lang!

Embodiment

2007-12-19T03:36:00.000+08:00

Eating spree. I've been on it lately. Seems as if I've got another living creature inside of me, even a black hole, and apparently, it has been draining me the energy vital to me and the food I take in. It isn't an understatement that I eat almost every hour, the kind we call heavy meal. Rice, bread, junkfoods, coffee, mango juice, fast food stuff, pork, beefs, fish... and they all go down to my stomach. And the hell, I don't get fat, when I really should be getting fat!

What's even more frustrating is seeing the money dwindle into what, single digits? Haha! All spent on food items. I remember Blythe, as we were dining the other day, and eating yet another slice of pizza, "Eto lang naman ang pinagkakagastusan ko e. Food. "

See. I'm all hungry now. I want this and that. Hey, is that food?!

Antakaw ko na. Haha. Maybe. Kaya siguro ganun. Malay ko ba. Di ko naman kasalanan na magmatakaw. =)

I am bound for hell. And Gluttony shall be my passport. Haha!

Nonsense. Just Nonsense.

2007-12-17T23:45:00.002+08:00

I commiserate with soulmate elysse's issue at hand. Apparently, she's been quite physically tired with what she's been doing lately. More so that it is routinary. Sometimes, it helps that things don't fall that much on schedule or on a planned basis. I love surprises, obviously, but only those that fall within the bounds of good news.

I shall list all the things that happened today.

1. Attended a class originally at 11:30am, but moved temporarily at 8:30am. Not surprisingly, I am 40minutes late. I am an early riser, but I move slow. Real slow. It takes me some 45minutes inside the restroom. (may nakakaalam nito. haha.)

2. Finished off a report. The last for this year. Yey. One word. Gung-ho. But I think it went well.

3. I feel bad eating too much this day, splurging half of the money in my wallet. I'm easily enjoined by my peers to eat, again and again, in 30minute or less intervals. Good thing I've got a very active metabolism. But I think I am sick.

4. Blythe. She made me frown. And laugh. Blythe, your powers no longer affect me. I've gone numb! haha! Or we've just been close. I just realized that it is becoming entirely easy eliciting some emotions from you. And I'm enjoying it.

5. Rosa. You took me to church. Malate church. Thanks. Wala na ako masabi. Di na din tayo mapaghiwalay.

6. Lovely and Alaine. For keeping me busy. And alaine, si stearic effect. Naalala ko na naman. Tinatablan na naman ako. haha!

7. ... O ayan ha, wala akong sasabihin.

Hehe. This one is pointless.

Effortlessly

2007-12-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hindi inaasahan, pero hindi ko alam kung ikatutuwa ko ba ito. O ikapanghihinayang. Di ko alam. Pero dahil napapangiti ako. Ahhhhh. Wala.

Parang biglaan naman. Pero siguro matagal nang naipon. Napapangiti na lang ako. I'll just take the backseat and watch this one unfold kahit ako din naman ang main lead. Natatawa na lang ako. Nakakapagtaka. Time really does fly when you are enjoying nga talaga. At interestingly, as ann so profoundly put it: Nonchalance. Ignore. Nonchalance.

Salamat.

(Puta. Lemme watch MSKM!!!!!)

Admonish

2007-12-11T01:01:00.001+08:00

.... In a few days, I would at least be breathing out a sigh for the year that was. Come to think of it, my 20th year of walk and journey on this planet is finally making significance. All the tumult, the happiness, the sacrifices, the misunderstanding, the indecisiveness, the maturity and inert immaturity, the security, the tenure, the smiles, the frowns. Extreme joys. And my being on the road, but mostly, getting off the road. They all account for the year that is about to end in a few days.

I haven't posted yet my wishlist. It would be utterly late, but I would still do so in the next few days.

.. masyadong matagal ang maghapon, kaya maraming mangyayari. Pano pa kaya ang isang araw? O isang linggo? Isang buwan? dalawang buwan? kalahating taon? Lahat ay magbabago. Maaari. Hindi natin alam. Maaaring may magbalik. Comeback, sabi ko nga kay soulmate. Ewan ko ba. Nakakaturete isipin.

Maaari bang ang inipon ng ilang taon ay mawala sa isang buong maghapon? Malabo. Hindi siya magandang isipin. Hahaha. May naalala tuloy ako. Isang pangako na lagi ko na lamang naiisip. Isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung maipagmamalaki ba.

..Ako ang huli. Palagi.

Magandang gabi. Halos. Pero hindi masyado.

Touché

2007-12-06T01:05:00.000+08:00

I dunno.

I just have to do away with much much thinking. I'm reaching the absolute limit and if I'd pursue with this much much thinking, it would all seem asymptotic, if graphed.

Dalawa lang nman yan e. Either being benign or malignant. I've been the former one. Is it finally time to go for the latter? Unfortunately, not the right idea. Sometimes, you just have to keep your mouth shut in order to survive. Or just look on and wait for your turn. Like being a toddler. The difference is, you cannot simply demand for the food. Because the food is for a hell lot of people. You need to wait. And wait. And wait. This is fast becoming a hobby, really. Anyway, this one shouldn't be a problem after all. Waiting. It's easy. Damn easy. Fucking easy. But if this is the world's context of easy, then destiny forbid me but I'm eager for the difficult areas.

No. This isn't a rant. And I'm not being whimsical.

My amygdala has been under great pressure lately. I wouldn't be surprised if in the future, I'd run out of fear. Recently, I've had my life's share of fear, and they are quite gigantic. If there's only a hand I could clutch, then everything would be surmountable.

This night, I would have to hold my own hand. It kills me to know I'm feeling this way. And it's so hard not to show it. But I'll try. Wala naman kasi akong magagawa e. diba?

Unflinchingly Lamented

2007-11-29T01:02:00.000+08:00

I've had my day off today, and I spent most of the afternoon watching Death Note. I was supposed to be having a good good time with it, more so that I was with Randolfh. I knew then that he was busily enjoying himself with constant chit-chat with me between episode breaks, watching most of the time and texting his friends.

As for me, I wasn't in a mood. Unlike the other days, I was enjoying the anime, but today, it was different. Again, I was submerged into this deep thinking. Once in a while, I resurface whenever my brother would ask me pertinent questions about the anime, about the characters, about words he couldn't decipher, and after that, I'd crawl back to the gloom I was beginning to enjoy, not because it was fun, but because I didn't have much of a choice.

The last few days have seen me as a happy person worthy of company. And yes, I've tried my best to look just like that, even reaching the limit of exhaustion and still pushing myself to the very verge. Some kind of a test of how far I could go. And how far I couldn't.

My stability is once again in question. Kind of like being put in its acid test when it shouldn't be the case. I dunno. I just put into thinking that the whole of the 365days in a year are not mine, my days, so to speak. There are happy days, and the not-so-happy days. The days when you feel you want to punch even a stranger, or shout at the top of your lungs, which I deem beautiful and helpful, take my word for it.

I'm sad. Not because of any flimsy reason. Because it isn't rightful that you are downed by the turmoil and I am basking under such enjoyment. To put into a nutshell, I shall readily abandon these, and will have them exchange for your sorrow.

Shadow. I shall be your shadow.

The Hegemon

2007-11-23T03:23:00.000+08:00

(Nine Inch Nails)

... And yes, there must really be Happiness in Slavery.

A Few One-Liners

2007-11-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

This may be sadistic, and I'm pretty sure that a few heads would turn and if they'd ever decode what the hell this one means, they'd readily jump over me and tear my temper from my flesh and bones. Haha. Kaya lang, I really just can't help it.

I wish you'd "disband". Not the usual disband. Just go on doing your things in separate ways. Yeah, that would be less evil. I totally want you guys, and if ever I have time, I spent time just drifting away time with you. Excellence in the field I must say.

Just separate. That'd be fine. I've nothing against you. But the hell, you affect my whole schedule! Whenever you appear in tinseltown, goodness, it elicits fear in me. Coz I know, something might happen and I shall be in anxiety mode again. I dunno. It's becoming a cycle.

Or better yet, just go to foreign lands. Yun, pwede pa! Just away here. With that, you'd be giving me much much favor.

Grabe. Ang sama ko na talaga. Haha.

Security

2007-11-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

And for the record, Friday night was to be known as the catastrophic period . It ended beautifully, was abrupted nicely, damn that orchestration, and was perfectly ended by this certain incident I've at least encountered for the third longest time. It literally brought the whole week on its knees.

I really shouldn't be blogging about this. But now, I think it's rather funny already. It's awkwardly funny. And becoming increasingly more ridiculous. The very first thought that occured to me was those stored memories I've so painstakingly collected and I constantly recollect. They've reached an agonizing 900+ messages vis-a-vis photos and dates to remember. And now they're all gone. All gone.

The second one that entered my mind was the parallelism it drew. The scene. My mobile acting funny. And those faces smiling at the thought of instant fortune and valuables.

Once again, I've come face to face with pending death. With an almost staggering wrong move, I may not be able to write another of these recounts. I've seen it once, and I saw it again earlier.It makes me asphyxiate. It panics the hell out of me. We call it a gun. And more so when you see it just inches away from you.

I'm scared. Because of this and THAT. And why does it have to occur on a Friday? Tas wala ka pa.

15 passengers. 5 opressors. Yes. For the third longest time, I was robbed. And this day, twice. Twice.

Help.

2007-11-15T00:45:00.002+08:00

... And with man's search for a "graceful" and quick exit to constant inquiry and other pertinent reasons, another sin has emerged. The Art of Lying.

This one hit me. Not that I lie too much. I actually lie on purpose. And not regularly. Sometimes, I couldn't hear my conscience speak to me, maybe I've justified things, or probably, I've just gotten numb. Or nasanay.

My life. Yes. It is full of lies. Who would want to be in my shoes?

Hilahin niyo naman ako palabas. Nagmamakaawa na ako.

Influenced

2007-11-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have mixed feelings for music and its stuff. This neglected field of mine may have done a little rebellion of its own. I know for sure that gone are the days when I worship music and music reveres me, all the same. It's like an ongoing affinity, or relationship. You don't do it when you are most available, or the least worried about usual stuffs. You do it on a regular basis. Minus the reasons of course.

I'm having constant reconnections with music, but the rebellion has yet to be quelled. Probably, it needs a significant chunk of my time.

Ironically, I'm having doubts, all of which I know are borne out of stubbornness or plainly just fear, and put a little logic and freakin' reasons. I know a few agents of music, and hell, I dunno, I have a strong feeling I ought to despise them. They embody music, and it's biased. Loathsome.

I shall love music, wholeheartedly, once again, and embrace it both arms-wide. But that would probably be the time I learn to dissociate these warm bodies with every like, every kind, every rhythm, every tonality, every melody, and every friggin' sound of music.

Feels like you love them. And why the hell should I follow suit? This is difference. And it means abhorrence.

Softcore Rant

2007-11-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

Hehe. Napa-update tuloy ako ng wala sa schedule. Negativity. Always the strong element that never fails to push me to write anew anything. Virtually anything.

Monday, November 5, 2007. You shall be remembered all throughout.

--> First and foremost, Migraine. My left temple kept throbbing up until the last minute. It felt like my heart kept pumping energy to the thousands of jackhammers inside my head. And my great capillaries, I swear, would have grown into arteries, actual size. I hope it's not tumor. And if it is, splendid relief. Death is most welcome.

--> Secondly, Insomnia. This great friend I've thought for months, and what a heap of joy to have realized that it had left me for someone more worthy. But no. The customer is back. With a vengeance. Sleep arrives at the most untimely moment, say, over dinner? It wouldn't be an exagerration to note that the soup[this time, the dreadful tinola], splattered over me when I reached for it from the end of the dining table. It could pass for stupidity, but no, I'll blame it for Insomnia. After 3am, it arrives, like an expected thief of the night, stashing away my precious sleep.

-->Thirdly, no reunion with HS friends. Tsk. Everyone's busy, and I'm busy catching up sleep during the day. Or playing PC games. Or reading this novel.

--> Next, this I wouldn't elaborate more. This is a secret. Hehe. Pero, nakakarelate ako sa'yo. Ok lang yan. You are goddamn honest, and I can't be like that. Especially in that aspect. Really a sensitive one. Haha! I'll do it. Focus. This is a new beginning.

Business.

--> The PSE trading this day all the more provided me the grimace. And I thought the main index would rally over the half percentage point cut made by the Fed. That's hefty, ok? Profit taking must be the culprit. I mean, the bourse could've made some edging over the long holiday, plus window-dressing. Companies would be posting strong corporate figures for 3rd quarter I assume, and these should be more than enough reason for a rally.

--> The Peso is at 43.55 per dollar. That's great news. At almost 12% appreciation, we are just behind the Indian Rupee as Asia's Top Performing currency. We could topple them. We shall.

--> The sad part. Oil, and crude, in the next few days, if the situations worsen, would breach $100 a barrel. That's oil crisis for us. It's already at $95-$96. I just hope it would plummet back to just $70-$80. An already high oil price would dampen our growth. We are aiming for at least 7% GDP for 2007.

Hay. Sad news. Sad news. I'm just a little depressed. Daming excuses, no?

V for Virus. V for Victims!

2007-11-02T04:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, too much is really disgusting.

This is the case when your parents go out of their usual way, and act eerie. Creepy. In the spirit of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, we shall use "creepy". And may I suggest horrifying? We won't use weird in here, for it only pertains to HRH, Kristine Villanueva .[special mention!]

Anyway, my parents would probably pass if tested for senility. My dad is just a little over 50, and my mom is at her 47, but they have literally gone out of their own bounds. I don't know, some people would probably say they are just rekindling their relationship. Actually, they were in some kind of a rumble a few weeks before. Same encounters, minus the cussing, or the nagging, just plain talking non-stop. Rather boring, eh?

Digression. All Saints' Day was highlighted by this quasi-family bonding while watching a horror slash sci-fi slash blood-oozing rich scenes film, 28 weeks later . I think everyone should watch this one, especially those loving the science fiction. Although I've had enough of zombies. I still can't get past the trauma of seeing zombies with their sanities intact; they cry, they can remember, they plan things, they bond with friends, they even dress like cops, and are employed as cops!! ** Emotionally privileged walking corpses, zombies ought to be dumb!

Going back, after the movie, my mom lunged at my dad, and she started biting his leg. Talk about getting infected with the virus. And my dad fought back. They were even moving damn slow, just like zombies. Even running after the other. Tsk. Parents?! What did we do wrong? Is this your way of telling us that we are no longer a happy family? We could talk of these, in one sitting, over dinner? But why?!?!

There, friends, patrons, countrymen, you have marveled at such act worthy of the police's incident report. The truth of the matter is, it isn't appealling. It is appalling!

Contact a shrink for me. My siblings and I, we badly need one. And we'll pay for the bills that'll be incurred.

** The fate-forsaken film is titled Zombie Nation.

The Pile of Caca that we call Barangay Elections

2007-10-30T07:16:00.000+08:00

Monday. I was bound for the polling precinct. My father was coaxing me to exercise suffrage. And so was my mom. He was in a telling mode that somebody may take my name and use it for selfish purposes. Had I been in good normal condition, I would've marched my way to the designated areas, but the lack of sleep the other night had forbidden me to do so. It was a rarity that I again was put back to the trails of insomnia. I've always had good, soundless sleeps for the lasts months, and I'm pretty sure I fall under the rein of Narcolepsy. Tsk.

Anyway, I'm just as glad that the noise barrage, of which they call campaigning, has ended. Dad and I both agree (another rarity, for we consider ourselves arch-nemesis of the other) that they are the ultimate examples time wastage, and pretension. We get to see them only during the election period, and we can't even understand their platforms, to think that we are in the barangay-level. Probably just a twist with this election edition is the roster of candidates. One of them is the perenially loser that we can call Ate Bess. Yes, she descends from the Las Pinas region, a kin of the Aguilar Clan and she has run for at least 3 terms of mayoralty in our city, all of which she lost. And now, she has gone down to the grassroots. The latest count provided by my elder brother stated that she could win this time. Relief relief.

I actually encountered one of the caravans they usually do at campaigns. All the loud noices coming out of their machines and their naked mouths are more than enough to box my ears and bleed them dry. Why must living be this..way? I swear I could've been desanguinated. A minute or two could've been a matter of life and death.

Also, FYI. According to the Omnibus Election code, you could sue these felonies under the crime [I categorize it under heinous] of Unjust Vexation. And yeah. I was vexed. At times, I blame this one for my disorientation. And probably, with why I can't sleep this days. My cochlea must've been loosened.

..Explains why I was a no-show to yesterday's national affair.

The Primate of my Thoughts

2007-10-27T07:50:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, netsurfing could just shatter your most awaited happiness. The natural inquisitive behaviour of man, also known as curiosity, well fits into the picture.

The past week was, again, good. Fine. Funny. Preposterous. Giddy-ish. Sometimes, I just wish things would be like that. Tsk. Takas moments. What I would give just to have all of those again. Nyek. Senti hydnar. Senti. Senti. Senti. If ever you'd encounter me in this mood, I give you due permission to strike that scimitar upon me. Haha!

Hay. Goodluck. And smile. weekend. at last. Happy Halloween! Happy Oktoberfest!

Postscript: Saka na yung more senseful updates, current feeds et al. Katamad e. Can't completely grasp the right words and adjectives.

Glorietta2: 10/19 is our 9/11

2007-10-20T06:44:00.000+08:00

It's almost a day since that fateful afternoon. Who would have thought a nice stroll in the mall would turn nightmarish? I've read heavily described and vividly accounted for stories, and watched live feeds and amateur videos taken by survivors and eyewitnesses alike, and dang, they're just so depressing.

The people behind this, with their cohorts, they are all hellbound. But we could make them pay for their deedswhile they're still living. Just the thought of the 8 people killed and several injured must serve an inspiration for us to seek justice. Fast.

If they had so thought that we and our institutions would be weakened, we ought to prove them wrong. We stand united, not just the Ayala Community, not just Makati, nor Metro Manila alone. The country will be as one. And by how America did it with their 9/11, we shall so. We shall prevail.

We will not fail Glorietta2.

*Photos uploaded from ABS-CBN Website

The Excited State of Bidding Goodbye and Saying Hello

2007-10-16T03:29:00.000+08:00

Earlier, on my way to Ortigas, I suddenly found myself looking on the east side of the bus. The days pass by me like the breeze, and it's mid-october already. Dati, I look on the west side, and I still can remember vividly everything. It was a nice chapter of my life, and at this very moment, I'm ready to close that part of me. I'm looking east. Yes, I am. And I'm missing east. I can't wait to go there. Oh how I wish the east would want me as well. And if it did, I'll make sure, to grab it with both hands, and embrace the beauty that I once enamored.

I'm back. I am. Yey!

...Thy Travails

2007-10-10T03:42:00.000+08:00

You are my saviour. And I thank you for that. Kung alam mo lang. I've so waited for this moment. And I dunno if the long wait is finally over.

Ulitin natin yun ha. Hahaha. Fuunnny.

Agglutination

2007-10-09T01:26:00.000+08:00

The day started out with me almost giving up on almost everything. Iniisip ko na lang na matapos yung araw, and Good Heavens, ok na. As in!

The morning, noon and early afternoon totalled a great disaster, and I was on the verge of leaping out of the borders of my sanity. I remember walking along Pedro Gil and Agoncillo, back and forth, and taking a jeepney ride to Faura because I was at my low then, and I couldn't contain the pressure. I kept on thinking, even though I already have in my hand my finished output. Circumstances prevented me to pass the original, brought about by the loss of the fucking USB.

It's late in the afternoon when I finally met head on with probably good luck, and some good strike. I got the grade I didn't expect to get. Which was higher. Haha! Ayun. I quickly went to the PGH chapel to show my appreciation.

The day was rather odd. I was busy sorting out things inside my head, but it seems they have gotten themselves some strong roots. Sometimes, I think of empanelling a grand jury to help me decide on these issues. Literally, it kills me. But you know, it's kinda weird. Being killed this way, it's blissful. Reeeaally blissful.

One thing. It changed my outlook. I thought once you just fall for it. But then, what do you know. I'm climbing onto it. Full speed.

*Stock market and Philippine Peso: At 7 year-highs! Yey!

Thinking out Loud

2007-10-06T01:52:00.000+08:00

Haha! This is definitely farcical. I've been chancing up on some pictures over the web, surfing for just about anything, until I stumbled upon this article, not necessarily a commenting one, and not a vilifying one either. It introduced me to this/these uhhh... newfound subject(s).

Upon closer look, I found out that I was interested because.. hmmm.. Good grief. The "subject" or "subjects" (yes, they are two), have a striking resemblance to someone I know. Haha! And it just dawned on me, like 5 secs earlier?

Oh well. Just lighting up the night. It's been a good week. And I've gotten myself a replenishment of funds. School is about to end, just some papers more. And work's good too, I'm getting the hang of it, after such a looong time, actually, even bagging the top agent position.

But even the sum of all of these are dwarved by this little incident. And I wonder. Even more, I will ponder upon. Hopefully, not some farce.

Apart from Everything else..

2007-10-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

The old scenario, definitely a missed place..

(ca. Nov 2006)

*yawn*. The ambience invites a snooze. I wonder when can we go back here.

Vague Vicissitudes

2007-10-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

Glaring at the monitor screen, I try to detach myself from the noise that well surrounds me. For this certain moment, I'd like to impose a sense of monotony to the world. It's quite riveting that the next potentate that I am, I feel a little helpless when I should be wielding a great force to let everyone know that in here lies a certain me. Hehe. Funny. fuuunny.

It is particularly imminent that the tides have switched and reverted themselves. Curse the moon, in this case, Deimos and Phobos, for going over the fence so quickly. But I don't think one would imagine that this would be so abrupt. Rawr. The tagalogs have a term for this. "Parang dumaan lang".

"Hi flower. And what the heck are you smiling at?" haha. A sign of nonexistence.

..And I shall disappear with the whiff of the wind. And no one would know where I had gone to.

PS. Why?

The Escapist's Theory of a Parallel Universe

2007-10-02T22:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when you catch a glimpse of heaven, you suddenly wonder if you've been shot dead. And when the reality sinks in that you're not, you try your very best to grasp the things intangible to you, or probably act normal, and you turn up a dweeb.

For the most part of it, a quarter of a pedantic that you are, one gets hold of the Merriam Webster, only to be mortified because no words suffice the description for the occurrence.

Whew. October. Two days. Gaaaad.

"work out your priorities with fear and trembling and ...lalalala"

hmmm..

Unleashing another Wave

2007-10-02T03:20:00.003+08:00

I know it's already Oct 2. But I just couldn't contain myself. Weee.. *Puta, isip bata*

Well anyway, I've had my honest share of the Oct 1 event. I've heard a while ago that it's just barely 90 days before 2008. Uggh. That's an entire quarter, but I know that it wouldn't be long enough before then. Whew. Too fast. Damn too fast.

Anyway, again. Strike me that nearest scimitar. Oct 1 will definitely be marked in my calendar. Hmmmm...Yum.

Seven Severities

2007-09-27T00:54:00.000+08:00

Uh. Updates? Hmmm.. For wednesday, everything went to a slow. The day waaaas slow. But it was relatively fine. Just a few disappointments. *sigh* What do I expect?

1. Yay. Just had a minor argument with an overseas aunt. Tsk. Over the phone. Details would be spared from divulgence. It was, uh, normal naman. I mean, I had to assert myself. And weave a bunch of lies. She was a bit stern, but I kept on convincing myself and her for the reasons of my stay. I just felt a bit bad that all was in the works already, only one was pending. Ayan ha.

2. Finished some papers. And started working on my last project. Uggh. It drained me.

3. It would seem that the funds I am expecting would be delayed. I'm running low! Wahaha. Lately, I coerced myself to do a little audit of my expenditures, followed by a few grimaces. And I throw some of the receipts. One time, my mom saw them, and went to her rare monstrosity.

4. Speaking of my Mom, we haven't been much into speaking terms lately. Must've been that incident. She accused me for being arrogant. Haha. I think that was funny. It must be true. Ayus lang. Ma, I miss you. And 'wag na kasi paranoid, ok?

5. I went ballistic a while ago. The 1-km stretch that is the Alabang Rotonda did it. The traffic! It rivals EDSA! I was gaping at the horror of staying for almost an hour inside the jeepney. See 1km. There's no logic. And here's my favorite part. When I finally decided to walk, guess? The vehicles moved. And voila. No traffic. Another evidence of planetary conspiracy. Makes me wonder.

6. Learnt of a news. Gaaad.

7. Earlier this morning, Jerico got me into thinking, and it made me extremely weak. My knees were literally trembling. Haay. Saka na yan. Feeling ko, mauulit na naman ang trahedya ng highschool.

The Correspondences of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyd-nar

2007-09-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

A few hours ago..

Dr. Jekyll: Go!
Mr. Hyd-nar: No!
Dr. Jekyll: Bakit?
Mr. Hyd-nar: Wala..
Dr. Jekyll: Gago.
Mr. Hyd-nar: Oo.

(After the single-word conversations)

Dr. Jekyll: Wala kang mapapala diyan.
Mr. Hyd-nar: I've waited for so long. I could wait more.
Dr. Jekyll: Tumigil ka na lang kaya.
Mr. Hyd-nar: I can't. And I won't. It'd drive me nuts!
Dr. Jekyll: Takot ka ba?
Mr. Hyd-nar: Sobra. Ok na naman e. Mabuti ng ganito.
Dr. Jekyll: Kaw bahala. Di bale. Sana may patunguhan yan.
Mr. Hyd-nar: Ayus lang naman kung wala.
Dr. Jekyll: Ipokrito. Iisang katawan tayo. Naglilihim ka pa.
Mr. Hyd-nar: Bahala na. Saka na lang. Baka manira lang ako ng buhay ng may buhay e.
Dr. Jekyll: E paano ka?
Mr. Hyd-nar: I can manage. I've always did. Pero, it all comes down to, "bahala na".
Dr. Jekyll: Bahala na nga. Hmft. Altruism.

The Leave-er and the Leave-ee

2007-09-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

For the past months, it never ceased to amaze me, I mean, the wonders and the bonkers of the thought of someone leaving ahead of others. I've always been fascinated with how people cope with this one, and particularly shattered, of course, when bonds tightly kept are abruptly cut. I'll share with everyone these lines from a blog I used to visit.

"...naisip ko lang kanina, napakaswerte ng mga taong umaalis. kahit mapipilitan silang iwanan ang mga mahal nila, may bagong lugar upang bumuo muli ng panibagong buhay. ngunit paano naman ang mga naiiwan? ang hirap gumising na lamang at mapapansin mong pareho parin lang buhay. eto parin ang buhay na kinagawian mo. ang tanging nagbago ay wala na siya. narito ka parin sa lugar na makapagpapaalala sa'yo ng mga sandaling kasama mo siya. mahirap lalong lumimot, bumitaw at kumawala sa mga alaalang pumapako sa'yo sa mahal mo..."

Everytime I come across this one, I feel a pang hit my stomach. It seems that the writer has an inexplicable wanting for that someone already bound to leave. Tsk. Attachments. Too much victims in this world already. More members, eh?

Sometimes, I would tell Jerico the sadness of the person leaving. I think it surpasses even the sum total of those who would be left behind. When Johann left the trio, we were devastated. But I think it was more for him. For a single person, it would be too much to bear. Time would tell that these people would grieve, and then, time would heal the wounds, and then, they forget. They could regroup, and bond even more. As to the one who left? A new environment, a new start, a new everything. Start from scratch.

Nabibigyan ng pagkakataon yung mga naiiwan to seek solace from one another. They could still be in normality since they still have one another, just minus one. It's rather sad that the solution to every ache and pain has to be forgetting. And with that, the person associated with it.

It's quite funny that people make up for lost time just to compensate. Rosa, it's sweet you've gone out of your way just to express sentiments. I thoroughly appreciate that. And don't worry, for the person you are addressing in your journal, you are one of the reasons why the other side has to be considered. Don't worry about our pact. I'm sure, you could do it.

I'm just waiting for the verdict...

...And the words of that one person recently wielding the single biggest influence in my life. I will be hanging on to these..

The Odds are Insurmountable

2007-09-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

grabe. grabe. grabe.

Napakabilis ng mga pangyayari. I wish I could avert the would be happening. Sa ilang linggo, magbabago na ng tuluyan ang lahat.

Sa mga nasaktan ko, sa lahat ng mga pagkukulang. Kung iresponsable man ako. Kung ginawa kong impyerno yung buhay ng iba. Pag may pinagtataguan man ako. Sa lahat ng tinakasan ko. Pasensya na.

Sa lahat ng kaibigan, mga napamahal. Mga dumaan. Mga dumating, at umalis, isang napakataos sa pusong, "salamat."

Kaasar. Hindi man lang natupad yung pinakaaasam ko na mangyari.

"Gusto ko, ikaw ang kasama ko sa araw na yun. Ikaw ang gusto kong huling makita. Ihatid mo ako."

Salamat. At magandang gabi.

Accio, 2nd Vengeful Spirit!

2007-09-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

I was extra furious a while ago, because of the sudden downpour of rain, which was the reason I was drenched in cold rainwater. I planned to go strolling, and I found myself aboard a megataxi. I wasn't headed for an exact place, actually. I just want to go away, far away from my known reality. I prefer to call it, pagtakas. I was escaping from my reality, and I couldn't think of anyone to tag along, and pour out my sentiments with, since everyone, literally everyone, was busy and preoccupied with their own qualms. And since that's the case, then there's no reason letting anyone know yours. Di naman ako galit. Nagiging choosy na lang talaga ako.

There it goes again. The old feeling I once harbored. Paulit ulit na lang talaga. Parang sirang plaka, if ever I'd rant about it. Oftentimes, I enjoy holding grudges. It let's you see people in a different light. Or in the dark.

I once tackled the feelings of being in the unknown. I've been there. The beauty of being in it is far outweighed by its beastliness. I'm wondering where I should stand. If I should give this much, or more.

I am seeking a refuge, and I want it under your wings. Nah. Labo. Labo. Labo. You know, this feeling, is far exceeded by any Sword of Damocles hung above your head. Or probably being tantalized. So near, yet kilometres apart.

"People trust me with their secrets. But who do I trust with mine?"
--Barbara Covett [Judi Dench] Notes on a Scandal

Accio, Vengeful Spirit!

2007-09-13T00:08:00.000+08:00

Earlier, I woke up with a heavy heart. I had an unusual dream. Sometimes, I suspect that someone must've been interfering with my unconscious and imperatively making an active participation. The dream made me realize some things I had so worked hard to forget. But it seemed as if I have failed so miserably to bury them, that it took them today to finally unearth themselves. The result? I woke up with a grimace.

Aboard a passenger bus, I accidentally found myself looking at my palms. It was empty. And I chuckled. It's been so long since I've received something from someone. I remember pinning my hopes, that probably tomorrow, someone would give me even a piece of candy, or chewing gum. This isn't mendicancy, but I'm kind of tired relishing when was the last time I've gotten anything from anyone. I appreciate everything, more so to those little things.

Sometimes, I appear nonchalant to whatever things anyone says. I just resort to shrugging off anything displeasing to my senses, and try not to think too much of them. They ruin your day, eh. The worst part here is when your very circle neglects the very element you want them to shower upon you.

Bottomline. Tama na. Sawa na ako e. I refuse to believe that people are born evil. That selfishness could be altered. You are like a black hole. You drain me my existence. You know, there had been a thousand instances that I've thought I'm just a supporting actor in my own theatre. Kasi ikaw ang bida.

I hope that soon, you'd realize that when I grow tired, ultimately, I step up efforts to erase a person from my realm.

Puta. the 2nd placer is the first loser.

the passerby bleeds

2007-09-11T00:09:00.000+08:00

You try to forget some ill-fated moments, some of which are doomed for failure even at the beginning. While others are constantly complaining with why the clocks have seemingly stopped ,when all they are relying upon is the healing prowess of time, the greater majority has been spared. You so eagerly await for days. And days become weeks. And then months. And semesters. And all was well.

I passed by the the PSE kanina. I was planning to go to Greenbelt to watch an Indie film. 'Twas very early then, and I had the impulse to just watch. Kaya lang, the minute I planted myself on the seat, it probably had grown roots.

Going back, I glared at the building which houses the local bourse. Funny it seems that people just pass by it without even taking a sec to glance. Kind of taking it for granted. If they just know that this one gave me my very first job as a quasi-advertising agent in ATC. If they just know that they serve Risotto with Radicchio and Gorgonzola. And that this one generates lots of money.

And if they just know this place was once a sanctuary. And hell, I'm missing this place.

Memories. They'll remain as they are.

*currently listening to Yellowcard's Everywhere*

Struck

2007-09-07T02:57:00.000+08:00

It is recently raining hard, and I could hear the thunderclap roaring. The midnight sky is temporarily lighted by occasional lightnings associated with those thunders. Geesh. Good thing I have with me my umbrella. Or I'd be soaking wet. It's thundering so bad that I catch myself so may times getting a glimpe of the outside world, chancing upon probably fallen angels with wings caught on fire.

Hmmm.. It seems that I've been so accustomed with this little activity. It's not so much of a big thing, but I'm actually a little obsessed with it. It makes me wanna wake up from my sleep everyday just to have even a slight glance.

Grabe. Not very much of a wrong thing. But I intend to let this one stay for a while. Y'know, that one, striking whilst the iron is hot. For this thing, probably, Mars has gotten itself struck by lightning. Zeus?

In Memoriam

2007-09-04T00:55:00.000+08:00

1. Ako ay kasalukuyang busog. Yum. Nothing beats being full without the need to spend money. Happy birthday, Kittel! (Belated, Johann!)

2. Clair, wala lang. Hehe. Naaaks. Miss ka ulet ng silly friend mo. Tssss.

3. Stumbled upon a personal site kanina. Tas napahinga ako ng malalim. hehe. It is indeed nice knowing that I've served as a catalyst para umayos ang cosmics. Maayos na talaga ang lahat. *wiiide smiiile* Sana magtuloy tuloy na . I'll be the vanguard para mapanatili ang kaayusan.

4. Influx of funds. Matter of days. Can't wait. Tsk. Matagal na din akong nagtipid ha! Terible ito. Sa wakas, gastos lang ng sandamukal.

5. Haha. September ha. In memoriam. Isang taon na talaga. Clair! Hanap na tayo ng makakabitan ng GPS!

-ber month ahead

2007-09-01T05:50:00.000+08:00

Unang araw ng September. Tsk. Pasko na ulet!!

Grabe. Inaapoy na ako ng lagnat. At nasa office pa ako. Full shift daw. 9pm to 6am. Mantakin mo nga yun. Galing ko daw sabi ng officemates ko. At, patong patong na yung jacket at kumot para hindi masyadong lamigin. Pero nanunuot pa din yung malamig na hangin. Terible. Naka-ilan na kong antipyretic at nasal decongestant. Bumabagsak na yung talukap ng mata ko. Grabe. Kaantok. Weekend na! Yey!

The fever has finally made its way, at last.

Ayun nga sa warcraft, Wicked sick! Dominating! Mega kill! Mooooonster Kill!

So that the World may know

2007-08-28T23:04:00.000+08:00

The sudden proliferation of surveys and lists has left me with no choice, but to join the bandwagon. This incident has rendered me helpless and hapless, so to speak. I always retort that I do things in the name of Camaraderie. Certainly not a name of a woman.

Anyway, here's my version of the Weird Things survey.

1. My brother, Randolfh and I, share an unusual ugali. Whenever we see something funny on the boob-tube, we would suddenly blast each other with out-of-this-world antics. Say, whenever we see Alice in wonderland series (currently our fave show) being shown on QTV11 every 9:30am, weekdays, we go into an instant stupor and howl like some wolves. We mimic sound produced by animals. Probably brought about by the show's genre. The type in which you dont have to think of anything except breathing and occasional drooling over. We also punch each other. Sometimes I hurl the broomstick. Or hit him with the tabo. Or splatter him with hot water. He would retaliate by punching me back. Or slapping my nape.

2. The rain brings me joy and contentment. The recent Church-wide praying is a work of a genius! How I wish everyday is a raining day. It not only uplifts my spirits, but the cool air soothes my body, and promptly invites me to go on an early snooze. And what better way to celebrate life lying on the bed, eating champorado, watching news or playing LAN warcraft.

3. Sundays are ought to be spent with going to mass in the sked. I like it when I go to mass on an early Sunday night. I get to walk 2 to 3 kms. Or more. I usually walk when I need to think things over. My mind is at its best when my legs are on a trek. Walking is also leisurely done. And of course, when frugality sinks in. Or merely when I'm penniless.

4. Lately, I have this fascination on billboards. I'm most pleased when I'm aboard a vehicle along EDSA. I get to see lotsa billboards. Gigantic ones, along guadalupe are such things of beauty. I always wanted that big CLEAR ad near MRT-Guad. And not to mention the Bea Alonzo picturesque and John Lloyd post in Magallanes Interchange (...). I wonder if there's a term for this kind of wanting.

5. My day could be consumed just by reading books. Sometimes, I spend hours staring at the screen of the PC, just browsing Wikipedia. General Info supplies me with so much energy it could pass for a multivitamin. Or probably Bloomberg. Economics interests me much as well. Nikko and I have the same propensity: Junior economists of UPManila. We just need to be tapped.

6.Up until my being a 15-year old, I was not accustomed to taking in medicines. I would always reason out that my body could handle sicknesses, and I was really, really afraid I'd develop some kind of tolerance. Buti na lang, I overcame that notion. Although I still do them in moderation.

7.I usually follow a ritual whenever I bathe. Recently, I oblige myself to count 5 washes before hitting the soap. And then 5 again. All in 45 minutes. And I added another ritual afterwards. Haha.

8. Whenever I go into an outburst, I usually divert the anger towards inanimate objects. I hit them with all my might. I usually associate objects with people. I hope the pain I inflict ricochets to them. Less violent.

Arrested Development

2007-08-25T01:23:00.000+08:00

Eto na naman ulet. Everytime I plan something good, everything turns sour. Tsk. Seems like I've got no inborn talent or skill at planning. I should be throwing away already my organizer and other scrap pads.

I should be happy. Pero hindi. And this is not good. Definitely not good. Bumabalik na naman. Napaisip tuloy ako. Sayang.

An Untimely Demise

2007-08-23T23:12:00.000+08:00

No more dirty sleeves, with pawprints. No more nose to pinch. No more funny moments brought about by standing on hind legs. No more brown furs.

The other day, I couldn't leave the house for work because my pet dog was ailing. Seriously afflicted with a disease. The Vet clinic I know in town was already closed, and I just had to suffice the whole dredging moment with having my dog drink as much water, eat as much food, and take-in supplements just to probably alleviate the pain she is enduring. I had to fan her for almost an hour because she was having a shortage of air, and I was stroking her intact fur for comfort. She also had some sort of fever, and I know something is wrong, she's been coughing out blood, my mom told me. We've been blaming her probable fondness for rusty metals, for the last few days. We should have taken measures then.

Upon reaching home, I learnt of the death. At the very instant, I felt a part of me has just left. Truly devastating. I was expecting two dogs to welcome me on my arrival. Apparently, one had gone away.

Goodbye,Anubis. That's Anubis for me and my brother. Lassie to my mother, and Tuta to my other brother. All were pertaining to one and the same canine.

Anubis

Outlived by 4 brothers, Mother and Dad

and Hatshepsut

Wow, Your Brain looks better at Nighttime!

2007-08-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

With the current string of suspension of classes, after the triumvirate of typhoons, the Philippine Congress is again looking at the possibility of having the current June to March duration changed to September all the way to the summer month of May. The main contention of the agreeing party is to lessen the danger and risk of having those students attend the classes despite the rain, and the discontinuity of learning. These have all been looked upon for the past years, and studied with intensity, but has anyone seriously thought of having the classes shifted at nighttime?

This may prove to be stupefying, but according to Herald Journal, just recently, a team of researchers from the University of Adelaide found out that the part of the brain controlling the body's muscles, the motor cortex, learns best in the evening. This discovery may have implications for the traditional school day. According to physiotherapist-turned-scientist Martin Sale , "When you wake up in the morning, your brain is less responsive to learning new skills," he said. "So naturally the potential to revise children's school hours is a popular way of looking at our research and could be investigated down the track."

There is, of course, special logic to this study, especially now that the Philippines is being again touted as the dim-witted capital of the region, apparently because of the low-scores gotten by our students in basic Math and Science. We seem to have lost our gleam as one of the destinations for better education. The discovery would of course be irksome at first, with the thought of study competing with sleep at night, but it wouldn't be tolerable to have this one junked right there and then. It would be good to put this one under a serious review.

Syrupy Exhortations We All Succumb To

2007-08-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

I came across this Carla Montemayor's column Delusionada. It actually features a glossary; that is the compilation of artsy words we unknowingly coin during conversations. Maybe due to hormonal surges or just excitations, or sheer eccentricity, or merely just the works of our creative self. Or just alienating someone looking over our shoulder. The reasons for their conceptualizations are endless. Bottomline is, feast on them. And btw, I'm just as glad that someone had the initiative to make this one. Certainly not a waste of time. Anyway,

------------------------------------------

Aargh Exasperation. Primal scream

Acheche Mock surprise. Introduced by Joey de Leon on Eat Bulaga.

Ahaha Wry, ironic laughter. Usually follows self-deprecating remarks.

Ahem Follows self-conscious remarks, as in when bigging oneself up. (Ex. I graduated with honors, ahem.) Note: When used verbally, ahem becomes a meaningful clearing of throat to indicate discomfort or announce someone's (unnoticed) presence.

Ahihi This, I don't get. Why not just 'hihi'? Why the 'a' at the beginning? (See hihi below.)

Bwahaha Thigh-slapping, side-splitting, saliva-splattering laughter. Pinoy version of LMAO (see below).

Duh. Stresses the obviousness of something or the idiocy of someone.

Dyaran! Presenting something. (Pinoy version of English drumroll.)

Eeee! Eeek! A girly shriek.

Er Hesitation. Meaningful pause.

Ewww. Eughh. Kadiri.

Grrr. Anger. Or an animal's growl.

GSOH Good Sense of Humor. Typical in British personal advertisements, though it took me a while to figure out what it meant. Example: I'm a gent with GSOH, own hair and teeth, aged 68 and aging disgracefully. (No, I have not contacted him to explore an LTR, see below.)

Ha! A bit of gloating.

Ha? What? In American English: "huh?" In British English: "Eh?"

Hahaha Genuine laughter.

Haller Pointing out the ridiculous in a situation or someone's actions. (Derived from 'Hello?!' but
delivered in a mock-Brit accent. See also 'Duh'.)

Harhar. Hardeharhar. Sarcastic laughter. Gloating.

Hay A sigh.

Hehe Gratuitous laughter. You've just put one over someone.

Hehehe Obliging laughter at a corny joke.

Hep, hep, hep A Pinoy caution not to jump to conclusions or rush to judgment.

HHWW Holding Hands While Walking.

HHWWPTP Holding Hands While Walking, Pinky to Pinky.

HHWWPSSP Holding Hands While Walking Pa-Skip-Skip Pa.

Hihihi Coy laughter.

Hikbi Sobbing, genuine sorrow. Stifled weeping. (Again from komiks.)

Hmmm Suspicion. Deeper consideration of an idea/situation/fact.

Hohoho Santa Claus laughing.

Huhuhu Someone crying (not Santa Claus).

Hwek hwek hwek Pinoy version of sarcastic laugh. (See Hardeharhar.)

ITALY I Trust And Love You. If you don't know this, you never had a slumbook as a child. (Good for you, no one can use it to embarrass you now.)

KKB Kanya-Kanyang Bayad/Baon. Dutch treat.

KSP Kulang sa Pansin.

LMAO Since I have to spell this out for you, this means you are of a certain, um, generation. Either that or you grew up in a forest and were raised by chipmunks without an Internet connection. Laughing My A** Off.

LOL Laughing Out Loud.

LOLZ Laughing Out Loudz? Irritates the grammarian in me. Acronyms are supposed to be exact. Here the z is totally superfluous. I think this was coined by the same people who add "h"to their names.

LTR Long Term Relationship. Also from British personal adverts which I have NOT been reading too much, by the way.

MU Mutual Understanding. Or Mag-Un. When a couple (usually still in puberty but not always) gets together but doesn't want to make it explicit or official.

Mwah Air kiss.

Mwahaha Diabolical laughter. (So add 'aha' to 'mwah' and a kiss suddenly turns sinister.)

Ngek Follows a minor, though embarrassing, mistake or mishap. Also a Chinese nickname.

Ngii Comical fear or surprise. Mock disgust.

Nyahaha Maniacal laughter. (Add 'nya' to 'haha' and plain laughter becomes threatening. Cool.)

OA Overacting. An ancient, though still popular, term in Philippine slang.

Pa-LL para I Pa Lonely-Lonely para Ibigin. Acting the mysterious loner to attract attention.

PARANAQUE Please Always Remain Affectionate Nice And Quiet Under Emotion. (From an e-mailed joke in the early years of 2000 featuring a sassy agony aunt called Manang Letty.)

PDA Public Display of Affection. Being all smoochy with someone beyond the boundaries of decency. (HHWWPSSP is too cute and doesn't fall under this category.)

PHILIPPINES Pumping Hot I Love It! Please! Please! I Need Erotic Stimulation. (From the same e-mail that gave us Paranaque.)

ROFL Rolling on the Floor Laughing.

SWAK Sealed With A Kiss. Written on the flaps of teeny-bopper love letters. I had a classmate in high school who wrote this on the cover of his biology notebook along with "Smile Before You Open". Our teacher hurled it back to him.

TH Trying Hard. Someone who exerts excessive effort at something. Very uncool.

TL True Love.

Tsk, tsk. Regret. Mild disapproval.

Tsup. Komiks kiss. (See Mwah for posher version.)

Ugh Mild disgust.

Uhaaa Infant crying.

Um Polite pause.

Uy Wow. Also a Chinese surname.

Waaaah Comical wailing.

Wapak The sound of a whip.

Woohoo Yehey.

WTF What the f***. Incredulity. Shock.

Yahoo Yehey.

Yay Yehey.

Yehey All-around Pinoy expression for triumph, joy.

Yo. Hoy.

Yuck. Yeucch. Kadiri.

Zzzzz I wonder why sleeping is spelled like this in English. Does snoring sound like this? On the other hand, how would you spell a snore?

Let's add more to this one, shall we?

Padaplis-hangin

2007-08-09T22:22:00.000+08:00

Ang mahirap sa mga pasaring, o padaplis-hangin, madami, kung hndi lahat, tinatamaan. Kahit hindi para sa kanila yun. Pero maigi na din siguro na ganito. At least, mukhang hindi magmimintis. Sasabihin ng iba na kaduwagan din 'to e. Pero kanya kanyang diskarte lang yan. Hindi naman lahat ng naglakas-loob nagtagumpay e.

Kung sinuman ang nakaisip gumawa ng ganito, I highly commend you. Nga pala, ginaya ko lang tong entry na to. Ayun. Syempre, for continuity, 20 din sila.

1.Kaibigan kita. Pero, kakaiba. Natatakot ako sa'yo. I mean, sa inyo. Hindi siguro takot. More of, ilag. Nangingilag. Simula nung sambitin mo yung apat na salitang iyon. Tas ginaya pa nung isa. At nung isa. Ayus lang sana e. Kaso hndi naman kelangan sabihin. Kung alam niyo lang ang mga pangyayari.

2. Ikaw naman. Dati naman ayus e. Pero siguro hndi magandang vibes. Tas lately, may ginawa ka pa na karumal-dumal. Dapat di nalang ngyari yun. Tgnan mo. Hndi na ata kita mapapatawad. For now.

3.Mabait ka naman. Yun lang. At napagod na lang ako bgla ng laging may initiative ako. Pero ayus na din naman. Eto na yung pinakakahintay ko e. Bumalik na lang sa normal.

4.Hindi talaga tayo dapat close. Kasi magkaiba tayo e. Kumbaga, dulo dulo tayo. Ubod ka ng bait. Andun ka pag gusto kita kulitin kasi may ikokonsulta ako. At hndi ka naman mag-aatubili. Tsk. Given different circumstances, malamang, sa ibang anggulo kita nakita. Tsk. Mahina pa naman ako sa ganyan sitwasyon. Vulnerable.

5.Ikaw naman. Tsk. Isa ka pa. Pero masaya ako andyan ka lang. Mangangapa ako pag wala ka. Nasambit mo dati na malamang madami kang hndi magagawa kung wala ako. Tatapatan ko yan. Malamang hndi ko malalalaman na madami pala akong magagawa, kung wala ka.

6.Aliw na aliw ako sayo. Pag kasama kita, parang ibang tao ako. Tas natatawa ka pa. Uy ha, hndi yun sadya. Medyo takot ako sayo. Pero siguro, kaakibat na talaga yun. Ayus lang. Nahuli ko na ang loob mo. Tiwala akong kahit ganyan naman, sa akin lang ang ganyang trato.

7.Simple lang. Galit ako sa'yo. Yung tipong nabubuhay, resurgent. Matindi. Sobrang tindi na you are worth a more lengthy column.

8.Masaya ako pag kasama kita. Parang obligado akong tumanda beyond my age pag kasama ka. Kasi alam kong I wouldn't keep up kung andito lang ako. Ayus naman, nagpapang-abot tayo. Kaya lang, takot din ako sayo. O siguro respeto. Whatever man yun. Siguro dahil hndi ka nag-aatubili sabihin ang totoo, kahit masakit pakinggan. Nakakatakot. Pero, anlaki ng itinulong mo sa pagkatao ko. Sobra. Natakot din ako. Parang bigla kong iniwan ang pagkabata.

9.Iniiwasan kita lately. Kasi madami din akong iniisip e. Gusto ko muna magconcentrate sa iilan. Guilty ako dahil hndi kita kinakausap. Kasi kilala mo ako. Kahit hndi mo obligahin, puproblemahin ko yan e. Kaso hndi ako handa talaga ngayun. Eto yung mga panahong gusto ko munang samahan ang sarili ko. Hayaan mo, lagi naman akong nagmamasid. Konting panahon lang naman to e.

10.Natatawa ako sayo. Pag kasama kita, carefree lang. Wala lang. Magaan ka naman kasama e. Pero ayun, hanggang dito lang to e. May nagawa ka sa akin dati. May nagawa din ako sayo. Pero ayus lang naman.

11.Grabe, kung alam mo lang. Tagal na nating di ngkikita ah? Isa ka pa. Gusto na din kita makakwentuhan e. Alam kong madami kang masasabi. At kadalasan, nagkakasundo tayo. At gusto ko na din ng ka-debate.

12.Alam kong alam mo. Nasabi ko ata dati 'to e. Gusto ko talaga. Pero alam mo na, masaya naman e. Nadala na din ako talaga. Kung pupunta dun, e di pupunta. Isipin na lang: mahaba-haba pa ang biyahe. Take the backseat, and enjoy the journey.

13.Ikaw. Malaki kang badtrip. Pero hindi naman ako galit. Medyo inggit lang. Maswerte ka. Ngayun, alam mo na na paborito ko ang mangga at mansanas. Kaso masama ka. Pinabayaan mo yung mansanas e. Tas ngayun may hawak hawak na naman na mangga. Sana kainin mo naman. Isama mo sa sistema mo. Hindi yung inuulit mo yung ginagawa mo. Sana maramdaman mo na hndi lahat may pribilehiyo ng parehong prutas. Baka naman saging ang gusto mo.

14.Pinagkakatuwaan kita minsan e. Pero hindi mo alam yun. Pero malaki talaga respeto ko sa'yo. Kaya lang, sana lawakan mo naman yang konsiderasyon mo. Kasi hindi lahat kaya ang pinagagawa mo. Tas demanding ka pa. Hinay-hinay lang ha. Kaya naman e. Wag ka lang manulak masyado.

15.Sana wag mo ako sandalan masyado. Kasi dapat ako ang gumagawa nun sa'yo. Kala mo malakas ako. Gusto ko din magpahinga minsan. Nalulungkot ako pag nakikita kitang parang nauupos na kandila. Kaya kailangang saluhin muna ang lahat. Pero inaaalalayan lang kita. Gusto kong makita na isang araw e maayos ka na. Mahirap humugot ng inspirasyon sa ganyang nangyayari.

16.Pasensya na talaga ha. Hindi ko masabi. Kasi pinapangunahan ako ng kung anuman. Siguro someday, magagawa ko naman. Malay mo bukas pala. Dapat ikaw ang nakakaalam nito e. Pero natatakot akong isama ka sa magulong mundo. Pero kung ipipilit mo naman, malamang mabago ang takbo ng desisyon ko.

17.Sana pag nalaman niyo ang lahat lahat, hndi kayo magalit. May rason ang lahat e. Kailangang gawin. Kailangang magsakripisyo. Intindihin niyo na lang. Malaking bagay yun, kung tutuusin.

18.Hindi ko makakalimutan nung kinausap mo ako habang tulog ang lahat. Sabay ata nating hinintay yung bukang-liwayway. Andami kong naisip nung sandaling iyon. Malawak ka mag-isip. Parang tumigil ang mundo nun. Naalala ko tuloy nung tinignan kita nung isang beses na tulog ka din. Hindi ata ako makahinga nun e. Mga 5 minuto.Tama nga sila lahat. Mabait ka. Ubod ng bait. At nag-emanate outward.

19.Kahit pa ako minsan ang nakakalimot, ikaw ata hindi. Lagi kang nagpaparamdam. Kahit pa nalaman mo ang isang bagay, wala kang ipinagbago. Kakaiba ka din e no. Pero masaya ako. Hindi lang halata. Sana mabigyan kita ng atensyon paminsan.

20.Wag ka na lang umalis. Yun lang muna. Hindi naman ako nagmamadali e. Eto lang muna ang gusto ko. Natatawa ako na may ibang mundo tayo na walang ibang pwedeng sumingit. Kahit pa pinagsabihan ako ng iilan na ding nilalang diyan. Sa totoo lang, ng gumulo ang lahat, at the end of the day, eto lang ang naiisip ko na perpektong nagawa ko.

UBE at Nano's place

2007-07-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

Hell, I missed these..

(Nano, Franz[my cucumber], Jena, Me)

With aaron

We were referring to Aaron, the usual scapegoat [haha, sama namin]

Pa-cute ang cucumber ko... haha!

All aboard Nano's car [Ako, Jena, Cucumber, Morgan]

[Ateneo, Makati Med, and UPManila]

Looking forward for more. Sheesh. Tagal pa ng sembreak! Nako, dapat meron din sa college na ganito. Oops. Lala... overnight!

PS. Sorry ha. Kung sino ka man. Igaganti kita.

Monologue

2007-07-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

Oo, masaya naman ako no. Lagi ko namang sinasabi yun sayo e. Pag malungkot ako, sasabihin ko naman. Siguro, I owe you this occurence. Minsan ko ding sinubukan na maging hndi muna maging transparent sa mga pakiramdam o emosyon. Pero siguro, ganun talaga. May mga tao talaga na malaki ang impact sa buhay mo, at hndi mo naman sila matitiis. Diba? Oo, pag naiisip ko, masaya na din na sa ganitong edad ay makikilala mo ang iilang taong iyon.

Grabe. Grabe. Dati, si mama lang ha. Mukhang dumadami na kayo. The Great Tearjerkers. Hehe. Pero masaya naman. Masarap lang na isipin na andyan lang ang kaibigan na ganun.

Like I always say naman. I'd die for a friend. No, probably, I'd kill if the need arises.

Uy, salamat ha. Sobra.

The Half Blood, the Pure-blood and the Jingle of Avada Kedavra

2007-07-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

Mabuti na lang, at maaga ang dismissal kanina. Grabe. I really love this subject. Advertising. And Prof Hildawa handles the class quite well. Just recently, we had to do a 30-sec radio ad. And we had a high grade. All at the expense of me doing a little rap to promote the subject. Nya-ha-ha. A new field for me, that is.

Apart from that, we are required to do a print ad promoting..uh. Us. I mean YOU. Or actually me. The doer of the project. Aim is to effectively advertise oneself as an ideal lifetime.. partner! It literally made the class dumbfounded for some 3 secs, then there were mixed reactions; some were giggling, some were still struck, while the minority were speechless. I belong to none, for I was busy manipulating the A/C to my side. Sir Hildawa said they are to be posted, heaven knows where, but I am doubtful. That would be..ridiculous. Haha! But I kind of liked the idea, honestly.

The early hours was forbidding me and sithli to do the regular chit-chatting, probably one of the greatest hobbies one would possibly assume. By late afternoon, and thanks to the early class dismissal and lack of quorum for the Biorhythm, we finally met head-on. Tas kumain sa KFC. And back to constant daldalan. And kain. Due to unforeseen circumstances, which I deem pretty positive, we didn't have to worry about pagkaubos ng mapaguusapan kasi nasa paligid naman ang pwedeng pagusapan. And with that, another jingle was conceived.

Doctor..Doctor I am sick..

[bleep] me [bleep] me with yer [bleeeeeep]...

Let's unite to make this a hit single!

PS: Tagalog word for Pimp is Titatita.

Friday the 13th

2007-07-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was extra hysterical at the thought of the Friday the 13th looming ahead, kind of like the tag line of a popular novel-based film, " Dark and Difficult Times lie ahead". Nyahaha. Actually, I was bracing for the worst to happen to me, and preparing oneself proved to be stupefying. In due reference to my past entries, soooo much has happened that one time, I almost coerced myself to just withdraw back to my quarters, and probably do some cringeing or cowering. But then again, it would be utterly ridiculous on my part, and I might be overwhelmed that much once I decide to go out and see what has happened thereafter. After all, I need to binge-eat or bathe, and unfortunately, such are outside the room. Sheeesh.

Well, not anymore. Friday the 13th may have had the magic in store for me, and the magic has literally befallen me in the form of uhhh...RAIN. Yep. The rain was all over manila this afternoon, and I just had my jacket with me, which was not enough to protect me from the rain. My umbrella, I presume, may have left me without my consent. Argh with that.

Going along, I was trekking along, and barring unforeseen circumstances, I was on my way to UPM. Earlier, I was off my hooves shouting at the top of my lungs trying to get control of the situation, domestically, and probably, I was off beat, and my brother almost countered my fury. Time was ticking away, and the time constraint was killing me. I had no choice, and I could almost remember what I almost did. Desperate times, call for desperate measures. Cliche.

But just when bad day meets up with superstition, and kaboom! I've almost gone kaput, but it was kaboom! Nya ha ha. At the end of the day I was grinning, and I swear, it was one of the biggest smiles. Parang nabunutan ng tinik!

Finally, I could sleep without the reprisal of my thoughts. Friday the 13th. I so love.

Trust vs. Mistrust

2007-07-05T23:37:00.000+08:00

Grabe. Grabe. Grabe.

Punumpuno na dito ng sandamukal na drafts. They are a motley group. And I've been urging myself to post something funny, or informative, or straight from the news-stuffs, or anything good that's been happening lately. It scares me much to be stereotyped na palaging malungkot or madaming iniisip, or the like, kasi, although there is truth in it, I still pull through nman, and maintain that happy face with that smile. No choice probably. Then you'd hear me again ranting about how nakakatamad ang madalas na pagngiti. Well, totoo nman talaga.

Well, probably, it's about time that I go stand alone, all by myself. I've done misery enough that misery-vampires would have feasted on it already. Siguro, it's time I stop relying on others to brighten up my day, and make myself more useful for myself. People could be dissapointing, really. And annoyingly frustrating. At least, I have just myself to blame if ever I failed on delivering that much-wanted fulfillment. And I could do something about it because I have just myself to coax, unlike others. You might be blamed of manipulation, stepping into their realm, or worse, too demanding. And I wouldn't want that. Although I must admit that minsan, gusto ko na talagang magdemand, kasi I feel that it is no doubt, mine. But then again, the usual rebuttal for that would be that you did that on you own volition. And it sucks really. Parang ikaw pa ang napapasama.

*sigh*

Jerico said that I'm way past socialization na daw. Tsk. The perils of growing up, and rearing oneself proves daunting and real tedious. Just when you need people, and then you realize you are on your own. Solidly on your own. It makes you wonder that you've been such a weakling all along, and you have nothing, and nobody on your side.

Wake me up, presupposing this is just one of those bad, yet mighty dream.

....Oo, at ngayon ko lang napagtanto

2007-06-29T00:10:00.000+08:00

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na wala naman talagang katotohanan ang kasiyahan base sa kaligayahan ng iba. It's either masaya ka or hindi. Period. Kalokohan na matuwa ka sa nakuha ng iba dahil hindi ka kasama dun, sa maniwala ka o hindi. Kalokohan yun.

And it is because of this very very simple reason:

People get achievements based on personal merit. Not because of any other outside stuff.

Alangan namang matuwa ka para sa iba, e hindi ka direktang makikinabang doon. In the end, it will be their acts, their choice, which will determine the outcome. Kung saan ka dun, wag ka na magtanong, wala ka naman dun e. Hindi ka kasama. Pag sinabihan kang "salamat", it is the subtlety in action, consuelo de bobo.

Strike two. Strike two. Isa na lang. Ayus lang sana e. Pero good grief, all in a week?

As a Whole, "viva voce"

2007-06-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

I was intently listening to my officemates' rants, and whines, and problems, and of course, they present to me the real world outside the realm that we call schooling. Let's face it, this higher institution, although a far cry from the High School set-up, is still a somewhat artificial world. It still has the guidelines for hurdling problems in the guise of exams, papers, etcetera. It teaches each and everyone on how to socialize with adults, young adults, and a small minority with grown up bodies pero may pacifier pa ang utak. Get what I mean?

Point of the matter is, everyone should be a bit scared of what is waiting after college freedom. It will be a sure state of uncertainty beforehand. I think it is kindov weird and eerie for someone na maging eager to be let go for the harsher world. College, while instigating and inflicting pain, is still within the bounds. It is controlled. Ergo, is the lesser evil as opposed to REAL life. And to think that UPManila is a seemingly higher institution, but in actuality, just an extension of secondary education. It poses on us a bigger risk of being overwhelmed because UPM's system is a block system, ang kasama mo ng first year, kasama mo probably for the next years, unlike the usual. It encourages anothereventual problem: Attachment. Need I say more? I don't think so.

Back to the top. I can only go languishing on my sordid thoughts. These people are real people. They bear the brunt of the world's reality. Of unfairness. And it sends chills to me.

Everyone will eventually grow up. Friends will help. They can. Someone just needs the proper company. People kind of grow in different ways. Some grow faster. Some are forced to by situations. Some do so gradually and surely, baby steps so to say. While others are sessile. The worst part of it is when you thought you were growing up but you were growing old pala.

I hope I sent a clear message. Til then, pal.

Confusion and Cornycopia

2007-06-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

After logging out of YM, i made my last view of my Favorites. I was astounded upon seeing a familiar webpage. I was immediately confounded and I swung back to a state of happiness and loathsome state, eventually leading to loneliness and pagkamuhi sa aking sarili. It seems that the days were witness of how I did injustice to this certain feline. That I was being utterly irrational and succumbing to the darkest matters of my emotional dungeon.

And now, dear readers, I take this vow. All of you, bearing witness.

"I won't take sides. Momentarily. I think I'm being unfair to everyone else."

Kasi, sa totoo lang, Jerico's comments hit home.

"Masaya ka? Totoo? Ang selfish mo nman."

Ayoko na. Ata. Naawa ako bigla.

Always at the middle. This must have been what Malcolm's feeling.

----------------------------

Choco Mallows. Ansaraaaaaaaaap. *wala lang*

Intentional Freudian Slips

2007-06-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

I remember coining this word combo as I was walking along Pedro Gil, with a very very good friend of mine. Pffft. Going selfish!

Tsk. Good Heavens! Sithli. Rosa. Ann. Karen. Fai. Lala. Tin. Now I'm resorting to name-calling. And I'm dragging your names. Sorry. A gazillion sorry. I'm seething. Literally seething.

And the best part is:

The best part of it all is the thought dawning on you that may mga bagay na hindi titigil kahit pa iharang mo ang katawan mo. Kasi ayaw papigil. And that is, dear readers, literal.

And you could only surmise. Buti may mellow music dito.

Dilemma with Labels

2007-06-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

LABEL
n.
1. An item used to identify something or someone, as a small piece of paper or cloth attached to an article to designate its origin, owner, contents, use, or destination.
2. A descriptive term; an epithet.
3. A distinctive name or trademark identifying a product or manufacturer, especially a recording company.
4. Architecture A molding over a door or window; a dripstone.
5. Heraldry A figure in a field consisting of a narrow horizontal bar with several pendants.
6. Chemistry See tracer

Such is our topic for today. and in the next few updates. We will be rigging the worlds of those who haven't put in much thought about this five-lettered word.

We label things for, 1. Ownership; 2. To give the referent due meaning, relative to how we see it. Let's see if we can add some other, as we go on.

Ownership. In this reality, we have things that we, of course, own. These are those that we purchased, or was in fact given to us. And there are things that we of course deserve to have. And not so deserve to have. Things, pillows, darn stuff toys, we name them. Animals, we name them. To some extent, people. We name them. Our parents did just that. So up until you have had that name-change, you are virtually owned by your parents. Isn't that sweet? And whatabout those name-calling we do almost everyday? Purple, goddess, ganda, sweetie pie, the perennial love, darling, apple, baby, the penultimate nerve wracking, sweetheart, and sooo much more.

Point is, when everyone else loves labelling, they come to a halt when people are involved. Not that I'm poking my nose into other's businesses, actually, I don't care half as much as they do. The times just calls for such. I could only recall that people come incessantly to me, asking for my humble opinion[I retract the words. There is no such thing as humble opinion. If it shows true humility, then why would you want to reiterate that voice you have in mind, to influence others?], regarding their issues, and this we are talking of tops them all. I present to you four different persons, all bringing all the same package of, "Bakit kaya ganun?", or the succinct version, "Bakit?". Well of course categories then started flooding in; Academics, financials, traffic situations, hunger, Election frustrations, and emotional issues, to name some. It didn't take long for me to understand what they meant, since the "Bakit kaya ganun's" and "Bakit's" where all characterized by a certain intonation never before heard, and some breathing stops, followed by a sigh. Then another sigh. And another. Still another. And will you please stop sighing reader?

Digression. Sorry for that. Going back, Im posing some questions. Why would people not want to label? I understand that risks are involved in here, but it just defeats the idea that they are the priority. For one, labels are not only names per se. They define your well-being, as seen by the other party. And they bring this sense of security. And labels bring with them boundaries. Yeeesss, boundaries. And limitations. And assurances. Trust me, you would want that. At least you would know where you stand, and not in that space that we call in-betweens. Perhaps those people want some to function dual purposes, which is deemed unfair by my judging sense. It is tiresome. It is.

Of course, nothing beats the overwhelming feeling of being thrown off into that realm in which we call, non-definition. My tips to those currently residing in this: Better enroll yourself as a Calculus lesson. You'll see there the ways for redefinition, re-defining, and the like. Hah. Better those symbols, at least they are properly tagged.

And there was the young Mars..

2007-05-22T00:03:00.000+08:00

(from left to right: Bene, Aiko, Randyh, Angel, Margaux, Kresta, Maan)
taken during our fieldtrip, HS freshmen years, ca 2001

The olden days. When life was much less complicated. Here I am, seen with a boyish teeth-not-seen smile.

Her hands, soft and supple. Under my chin. And mine, under hers.

Mars, ... and Venus.

Hindi ka naman naging sa akin e. Muntik pala. Nakuha ka kasi ni bestfriend. Pero ayus lang. Do me a favor. Give me a new universe.

Retrieve me.

Beinte.

2007-05-16T21:51:00.000+08:00

I was waiting for 4:50am. Exact time of my arrival.

4:50am.

At last. 20 years. I was looking at my twin brother. Appearance-wise, he is much bulkier than I am. Bigger frame, and I was the lean version. He has those chinky eyes. I was looking at him. The bunso. And I was the kuya. I am. For just over 10 minutes. That fleeting moment. I am 20. He is 19. 5:00am is yours. Mine is 4:50am.

4:51am.

uh. one-minute has passed.

Umikot ako sa bahay. Uh. The now so common humid air. Plus my aching oral cavity. My tongue. My palate. What a way to start the biiiiirthday.

4:52am.

I checked the phone. 15 messages received. Hah. Well-wishers. Birthday greetings. Im at a loss. Wow. Having the phone fixed way earlier really paid off. May mga bumati.

In chronological order: (to date)

1. Nano Gabriel

2. Aaron Manuel

3. Sithli

4. Ate Lyn

5. Andrew

6. Jerico Pascual (Zara ko?)

7. Rosa

8. Eric

9. Mae Abigail

10. Angeli Ann

11. Marie Wendy

12. Jamie

13. Kenneth

14. Lala

15. Camille Cyn. (lagot ka sa akin)

16. Kristel Joy (smooches?)

17. Jaja

18. Jenalyn (puta. late.)

19. Blythe (suuuuhweeeet ka talaga, sabi na e.)

20. Arlene

21. Sir Edsel

22. Alaine

23. Lovely

24. Leslie Mallows

25. Dad

26. Mom

27. Kuya Anthony (gaaad. cheesy sila?)

28. Kuya Dennis

29. Randolfh

30. Aileen

31. Mayie.

32. Ate Agnes

33. Grace
34. Kristine

And there were those who greeted the day before: Fai Lang'ga, and Mommy Merlina.

Special thanks to Karen Beltran. She went out of her way para lang mabati ako. Smart kasi e. magGlobe na kasi e. Haha!

Kalil. Walanghiya ka. 2 years straight na walang bati. Wala ka nang pag-asa. Hehe.

People. And after all. They made those 20 years.

note: Sa pasukan na ang libre. I'm broke. Just shelled out some for the family's state dinner. Singlehandedly. Argh.

There was the word Sunday. Seventh day of the week. Rest day. Peaceful day. Or so, Merriam-Webster so defines it.

And there was the word, Sin-day. I was Sin-bad.

The difference? The letters, U, and I.

U and I. Parang WE na din, pero malabo.

Once upon a lifetime, people become selfless, and they think of U, and they lose themselves, that's why during Sundays, churches are jampacked with all those goers, haggling, praying.

And then, Big P strikes, Pain. and the thought of losing oneself gets into the nerves. And the world turns, and the orientation and perspective completely reverses itself. That's why U, becomes I. Selfishness arrives into the picture.

A lifetime passes by. People become selfish, and instead of Praying, they are Preying. A to E? that's more like it.

And Sin-days are born.

All Sundays of Summer. Almost.

Bad Mood

2007-05-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

(After withdrawing from a local ATM branch)

Randyh: *lowly waves hand to put the jeepney to a stop*

Randyh: *Aboard* Ma, bayad ho.

Driver: Ilan?

Randyh: *easily irked* Ilan HO ba ang sumakay?

Driver: Matinong tanong yun.

Randyh: Mga tanong na ang sagot e maliwanag pa sa araw.

Driver: *stares from his side mirror*

Randyh: *returns stare, for a sec, then looks outside, and smirks* Pathetic moron.

Driver: Sukli.

Randyh: *gets loose change*

(Jeepney stops, passengers rush in)

Passenger1: Usog nga.

Randyh: *slightly in a slouching position* Ow. Sorry. *sits upright*

Passenger1: Ayusin kasi ang upo.

Randyh: *infuriated* Didn't I just say sorry?

Passenger2: Away na 'to.

(Jeepney nears Alabang crossing..)

Randyh: Ma, para. .

(Jeepney goes farther before going to a full stop)

Randyh: Ay, tangina.

*goes off the dilapidated jeepney*

I hope you rot in hell.

*sees a peculiar name posted on the vehicle*

Ay, kaya naman pala. Pati dito sinundan mu pa ako.

Why do we keep on Investing?

2007-04-19T15:46:00.000+08:00

Siya. Sige. Bahala na nga muna. Wag na muna mag-isip. Nerve endings,whaever. Hehe. Bahala na. Mahirap talaga pag naubusan ako ng gold coins ng katuwaan. Problema, di ko alam kung saan ko nagasta. Pahirapan na namang mag-ipon. Kaya bawal ang uber sa saya. Nagiging magasta na ako lately, wtf. At wala na namang supply.

Ang Phisix, nung isang araw, bumagsak, tas nag-zoom pataas. Buti pa ung local currency, appreciating. Ung stock market, magulo talaga. Too risky, yet more and more people are investing on it. At times, you end up with a hefty amount after a day's trading. Or, you lose them all. Faced with that fact, it never ceases to amaze me why people still cash in on these gains, when the other side is also the gloom of losing all you've got. They know the rules, they know what's at stake, tumatalon ka sa tuwa, tapos mamaya natalo ka na pala. Ouchy ouch naman.

Well, I guess you could put all the blame to human nature. Mahilig mag-invest kahit pa the picture is a tad gloomy already.

Well, I was dreaming of being an investor. Little did I know, investor na pala ako. The gold coins, they were innumerable once, not anymore. I anticipated this, but not this grave. Well, anyway, for the hmft time, bahala na. Pag naubos na ung gold coins, pwedeng manghingi na lang muna. Or tumigil na lang.

At the Crack of Dawn

2007-04-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

It's quite alarming that blogging has been an outlet, or much like that, when I want to vent certain stuff that I know people wouldn't understand fully. Or maybe I was just pre-judging everyone else. Well, for certain thingamajigs, I could, of course, relate my deep resentments to, say, three people, eh? Yep, three people. Not that I'm isolating them from the many others there, but I would say, my nature really searches for persons I share the same annoyances, or could relate to my present dilemma. Well,at least, that proves Jessica Zafra's words still ringing from every corner of my head, "There are no really personal opinions. People say what others want to hear." Exactly.

Well, the past few weeks of non-blogging proved freakingly normal. Well, not that much normal. I, of course, broke so many hearts, frustrated millions, and became the center of disappointment. Sino-centrism? Who knows, sino anyway?(Ehehe. Just joking.) Holy week is not REALLY holy. The first of the many years that I broke the family tradition of being a bummer, while watching full-length movies, or show-marathons. And speaking of holy, there's this time that I was casted in a cenaculo. Creepy me.

Well, I wouldn't make a fuss about holy saturdays, or easter sundays, or the normal monday afterwhich. Well, the days were a good triumvirate. Happy. Fulfilling. Quoting from that line from the abs-cbn webpage, "If you are a strict catholic, pleasure is tantamount to sin." And of course, I sinned. Oh dear me. I sinned!

"Happy Easter.. There's still pentecost."

*roosters gone wild*

Easing it Out

2007-03-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

Looking back, I can only go for an unfortunate remorse for all those decisions I have made. Not that I've much to regret, (because I don't want to regret), all the people who filled and unfilled my life, but likewise, for those things I opted to go for, and how I treated some situations with a seemingly mature mind, only to find out that they resulted the exact opposite. Yes, the ever wanting me had always wanted an adventurous life, a roller coaster ride, and it would be a horrendously hypocritical for me to go on living a bland life, just like anyone else. But sometimes, you reach a psychological support level, a time perhaps for you to go on a longer-than-usual hiatus. Sometimes, it would be helpful to just stop at the middle of the road, look back, look a little longer, and assess how much has transpired during the 19 years of your stay. While doing so, suddenly, you just want to stop ultimately, because you feel extraordinarily tired. And what's more frustating to note is that you see your companions going on their ways, bravely ahead, eyes full of sparkles, spirits revitalized more often than not. It may be the selfishness talking but hey, it's fun at times. Until someone again passes your way, and offers you a hand, never minding if that person catches some of that mud.

And so, goes on the old saying:

One of the greatest tragedies known to man is the endless fruitless search for someone who would finally understand.

(I wish Mars would finally get to know how it feels like talking to Pluto, before the grand exit))

After the total lunar eclipse

2007-03-07T03:06:00.000+08:00

Madaya. Unfair.

I could then remember how I used to be that stronger individual when I was in my younger days. The only incident perhaps that I could recount that I shed a tear was when my mother and I had some bonding session, and we ended up crying because I mirrored na pala already how she felt at the moment.

Yeah. Kung kailan naman tumanda ako, tsaka nman ako naging iyakin. The irony of it all. These past few days,or months so to speak, I have almost cried at almost everything,whether they may be that deep, or not-that-deep. I could have branded myself a cry-baby,only I'm already matanda. The hard part is that I don't choose places. While walking along Shaw Blvd endlessly, while eating a "Happy meal" (darn the name), or paying a fare. Kanina nga, out of the sorry environment,naiyak na lang ako. Nahiya na lang ako sa matanda kanina, who had to endure the whole trip with me, and thanks for the kleenex.

Maybe I was self-pitying again. Sometimes I just want to find another me. If God would grant me an only wish,that would be for me to find a Randyh. Really. It's just so hard and it pains me that much na maging doubtful ka. Sana walang ganun. Yun lang nman yung hinihingi ko e.

Hay. So much for this one. Hindi na nman ako makakatulog. And for sure, aabutin na nman ako ng tukso kay kuya. Pangit na mata sa umaga.

*sigh*

When it drizzles, it pours

2007-02-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

It's been like, what, uhmm..more than a month already since my last entry. January 15, to be exact. I could have posted a lot of entries by then, had I wasn't that preoccupied by the new life that has swelled in. A month, more than a month, it was all it took for me to have lived like forever, to have dreamed like forever, to have wanted like forever. Yikes.. what more.

All I wanted to say, really is, it was damn the greatest series of days. The happiest, the most rewarding. Overwhelmed ako. Well, I could only say that the journey was the best I had, kahit hindi nman xa halatado sa akin.

Pinatunayan mo na 5 months could very well replace 2 years. Ehehe.."2 years", lagi kang laman ng blog ko. Malamang ngaun hndi na.

Wala, I'm speechless. No more to say. Just a sincere sorry, and some, " I hope you never doubted all those happy moments, and all the feelings into it." Sana masaya ka din.

I was standing, All alone against the world outside
You were searching, For a place to hide
Lost and lonely, Now you’ve given me the will to survive
When we’re hungry...love will keep us alive

Thanks for everything. So much. Don't worry, it will always be you. Always.

Spectacular, Spectacular

2007-01-15T19:34:00.000+08:00

I was actually reading Patchuchay Evangelista's December 31 column last night, amid my increasing worries for the morrow's long exam. I have the entire weekend to read my module, but obviously, I hardly flipped through the pages of it, evidently, again, because of my sheer katamaran. Or perhaps, Evangelista was much more interesting at the moment.

To give due reverence to her, and my being an instant fan of her, as well, I'll be using her article's title for this one.

It was the last leg of the Decem-break celebration, when I came about a friend's dilemma. I've always put this person among others in that place that I call, "the pedestal". Many I have more or less considered into it, but much less have made it. I guess they would comprise my very own Nobel laureates.

And he was actually one of them. Strong, energetic, very strong-willed, very much motivated, very much aspiring, very commanding. It would probably explain why I lost to him almost everything, even my high-school-days-old lovelife. Maybe he is just some inches shy of being that deity. Or I was just plugging in excuses to cover up my weaknesses. And I was, I realized. But after all, he was a friend. Someone I never asked for but came.

This was all I have seen. All that I have illusioned. And you could have just imagined the horror of it all when we talked about how his life had been. The shadows of his achievements proved too expensive, costing him even his very priorities. And now, just a few of those remained, and he was making the most out of them. All of these in the name of expectations. And I'm not innocent to that. I expected him much, my colleagues expected him tons of it, and they were glaringly attractive, and too precious to be ignored. I myself would have wanted the feeling of being superlative, but there's nothing sacrosanct about me, anyway.

Yes, you could say that his walls have shown in some cracks. A part was already ruptured. But I never thought of putting him off my tower. In fact, I adored him even more. It still is a mystery to me why I came to respect and think more highly of him after the incident.

And that also goes too, to my other laureates.

A Lot like Love

2007-01-06T00:50:00.000+08:00

(I love that movie. But it isn't the topic.)

Friday night gave me my much-desired rest. It was afternoon when our Team Captain Angel broke to us a splendid news. Wlang pasok ngaun. wow. such great news. really.

I was enthralled when I headed for home at 6:30pm. Ang aga aga. And more so when I rode the bus all the way to alabang. Wow. Gaano na nga ba katagal? 5 months? Nonetheless, it seemed yet another first for me. Grabe, namiss ko ang rutang skyway southbound! Pati ung buhay na buhay na Alabang Market sa early night. And the traffic. I never thought those petty things are worth missing din pala.

But the most "missed" of them all was that boob-tube all set for the primetime viewing. I've been wanting (so much, it hurts) to see again Maging Sino Ka Man. The last time I saw it was I think 2 weeks ago, and I have seen it 5 times pa lang. Nakakapanghinayang tlga. The story is almost perfect, and it isn't your usual, ordinary telenovela.
It is quite amazing and un-amazing perhaps, that people are all looking for love at all directions, all looking at the wrong persons, pleading and begging, when someone out there is very much willing to give it to them. How funny. And how unfortunate too. This is what happens to these 4 characters. All somewhat oblivious to their surrounding. It is troublesome to note that people could be sensitive to their own feelings, yet insensitive to others'. Diba? Bakit kaya ganun? But we are not only talking of love in here, because love in itself is quite boring, and not that much interesting. You have in here too issues, and opposites such as cowardice and bravery, uncertainty, oblivion, selfishness, freedom, judgement to name a few. And of course, I nearly forgot. Impulse.
The story I liked in here is the one between JB and Celine. I don't know why, but theirs is a story more closely knit in to the reality. and theirs is the more kakaawa one. They have inner demons,and inner conflicts that are big hindrances to them. And un ang nakakaawa. It is most difficult to fight those u can't figure out right away. How can you solve a problem like yourself, anyway?

(Cheezy me. )

Placebo Effect

2006-12-30T03:49:00.000+08:00

You take in some pills, and you have this feeling that you are getting well with each passing minute. But actually, nothing happens.

It's all about faith. And some other than faith.

Andaya nia. Lam nman nia un e. All you have to do is pretend, at least for sometime. Or for a while. Anyway, that's too big a favor.Obviously.

I like you. Two years ago. Two years up to the present.. Two. And I've kept the mystery. But not for long.

Sorry, Karen, I can't tell. Sabi sau e.

It just takes some ordinary person, at a perfect place, in a certain damn perfect time. It just so happened andun xa.

And it was enough. Parang placebo pills. And then you go crazy.

Tag: Say You'll Never Go by NeoColours.

PS. Lala, thanks for enlightening me.

Bloody Perfect

2006-12-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

Right now, I'm enduring another round of Stomach Cramps, and somehow, I kinda like the feeling, because it reminds me of my being a human, well sometimes inhuman. The feeling gets more intense every second pero, it's almost fine. Another dose of Euphoria probably.

And a bomb was dropped on my head. The hiroshima or nagasaki would probably be humiliated. Confessions really make every one's day. My soul feeds on it, oftentimes, rejuvenating my entire being.

And enough with all the crypts. It spells news for me. Notoriety.

Disyembre na pala.

2006-12-03T21:03:00.000+08:00

Yearend. Yearend. The year's almost over. This year has brought me constant problems,and worries,and I couldn't believe it's finally over. Last week, I've been convincing myself that "there is happiness in solitude". Of course there is.

@I've had some stupid fight and I think that was last week . But it was by far a fight of the year. Of all the fights that I've been, that was the most exciting. And here's the word. Slander. haha...

@We're having some monito-monita in our account. And the price is P100 per week. Hmmm..Natuwa nman ako. I've been wanting some extra gift-giving this christmas. Last few weeks, I wasn't expecting to have one, parang last year, but here's one. For christmas, they are requiring everyone to shell out P500. yihee..

@Someone, finally, was missing me. Tell you what, I miss you even more.

@Sabi ni Johann, Paolo, at Jerico, thanks daw for being corny, and funny. Pati sina TC Norman, TC Angel, and TC Tin. Talaga? Sabagay, ang kulit ko nga this past few days.

Christmas is fast approaching, and I swear, I could feel the extra cold breeze.Brrrr..every dawn, I could sense inner peace. Inner peace nga ba? haha..I'm just extremely happy that sooner, and I hope not later, I'm gonna be seeing my high school friends, some I haven't seen for a year, and others, for months, but nevertheless, they are all equally missed. Woohoo..I'm looking forward to some more overnights, more talks, more drinks, hmm..I wish we could do some serious caroling this yule, I've been practicing my vocal chords, every now and then. Oh how I'd love being the tenor! Opera of the bells, here we come! haha..plus I've been wanting to do our very own rendition of Orange and Lemons, "Tuloy na tuloy pa rin ang pasko". I really believe it is a great song.

Kalil, magsisimbang gabi tayo, ha? Tag along marc and nano, if possible. And angel, and the others too. We're gonna do a lot of catching up.

If I can't beat them, They should Join me!

2006-11-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ang daming masaya ngaun. and I wish them all hell.

La lang. Unfair. unfair. Why does everyone have to show those smiles, and why does everyone have to let me hear those full laughs? You'll have your days, I tell you. And I'm telling you now these, all with beaming certainty.

Nah. Haha. I just realized. Wishing the general public some bad luck proves draining. Oh well. I'll let them be.