Sunday, March 25, 2007

Easing it Out

Looking back, I can only go for an unfortunate remorse for all those decisions I have made. Not that I've much to regret, (because I don't want to regret), all the people who filled and unfilled my life, but likewise, for those things I opted to go for, and how I treated some situations with a seemingly mature mind, only to find out that they resulted the exact opposite. Yes, the ever wanting me had always wanted an adventurous life, a roller coaster ride, and it would be a horrendously hypocritical for me to go on living a bland life, just like anyone else. But sometimes, you reach a psychological support level, a time perhaps for you to go on a longer-than-usual hiatus. Sometimes, it would be helpful to just stop at the middle of the road, look back, look a little longer, and assess how much has transpired during the 19 years of your stay. While doing so, suddenly, you just want to stop ultimately, because you feel extraordinarily tired. And what's more frustating to note is that you see your companions going on their ways, bravely ahead, eyes full of sparkles, spirits revitalized more often than not. It may be the selfishness talking but hey, it's fun at times. Until someone again passes your way, and offers you a hand, never minding if that person catches some of that mud.


And so, goes on the old saying:

One of the greatest tragedies known to man is the endless fruitless search for someone who would finally understand.

(I wish Mars would finally get to know how it feels like talking to Pluto, before the grand exit))

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posted by Randyh @ Sunday, March 25, 2007 Comments: 3

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

After the total lunar eclipse


Madaya. Unfair.


I could then remember how I used to be that stronger individual when I was in my younger days. The only incident perhaps that I could recount that I shed a tear was when my mother and I had some bonding session, and we ended up crying because I mirrored na pala already how she felt at the moment.


Yeah. Kung kailan naman tumanda ako, tsaka nman ako naging iyakin. The irony of it all. These past few days,or months so to speak, I have almost cried at almost everything,whether they may be that deep, or not-that-deep. I could have branded myself a cry-baby,only I'm already matanda. The hard part is that I don't choose places. While walking along Shaw Blvd endlessly, while eating a "Happy meal" (darn the name), or paying a fare. Kanina nga, out of the sorry environment,naiyak na lang ako. Nahiya na lang ako sa matanda kanina, who had to endure the whole trip with me, and thanks for the kleenex.


Maybe I was self-pitying again. Sometimes I just want to find another me. If God would grant me an only wish,that would be for me to find a Randyh. Really. It's just so hard and it pains me that much na maging doubtful ka. Sana walang ganun. Yun lang nman yung hinihingi ko e.


Hay. So much for this one. Hindi na nman ako makakatulog. And for sure, aabutin na nman ako ng tukso kay kuya. Pangit na mata sa umaga.


*sigh*

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posted by Randyh @ Wednesday, March 07, 2007 Comments: 0