My Whine-ry
(Disclaimer: This is something that should have been posted a ga-zillion years ago, if only the writer hadn't been disillusioned, virtually confused, and knowingly misled. This post should be treated seriously. Lastly, even happy and optimistic people do get hurt.)--------------------------------------------------------------
Ngaung gabi, I'm chewing a bubble gum. Matagal tagal na din ako hindi kumakain ng bubblegum. Im wondering where should I throw my bubblegum, which I've been chewing for an hour now. No trash can in sight.Tapos,umuulan pa.Ok lang,buti na lang umuulan.
Kaasar talaga. That would have made a sum of all those things that happened, just happened, will happen, soon to happen, and so on. What would hurt the most is that you don't need to earn for yourself some enemies. Some of your so-called friends would turn out the most fitting for the job.
I know that I have lost my precious place from the group, if not completely ostracized, the very moment I got off our common ship. Yes, I admit, it was my fault that I was led out of the "DB door". Yes, i was beginning to lose steam, to lose interest, and it really wasn't my interest. I can still remember the time when I told a friend that I never really wanted to "view slides under those eons-old microscopes", or memorize thick bibles of info about backboned animals, much more, trace phyla, phylum, orders, those aren't what I really want. Kaya nga you can't blame me for leaving you guys off. And although it was finally freedom to finally be purged out from that prison, it was heartbreaking for me to leave right away, after all, you were the very reason I stayed, it wasn't the Bio really, it was your presence.
But to my dismay, my leaving would result to a gap I never imagined. Binded lang pala tayo ng Bio.
I was thinking of many instances na nagpatunay lang na there was this wall na slowly but surely making its way right in the middle of us. Yung mga times na I felt those "What-the-hell-are-you-doing-here stare", and those "you-have-no-business-in-here glare". Cguro I must be uberly exaggerating, kaya lang, if you feel something's wrong, there really is someting wrong. Yes, and there were those times na I feel bad kasi I can't relate to all those "high words", and then you go talk some sense out of everybody, and then you feel na "buti pa aung hangin, naramdaman nila, alis na ako." I don't feel bad pala, i feel worse!
But what triggered it all was this," Mag-seryoso ka na kasi", or " Ayusin mo yang buhay mo", or the exploding," Sana magseryoso ka namn minsan." (wala na akong masabi,can't breathe)
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It was quite unfortunate, nakakasama ng loob na they don't feel na I have so many things to worry about. Na it wasn't my choice that all of these are happening, na I have to think of so many things, that I don't know if they do understand, or see through. Only a few people know that I'm actually more of a serious type of person, that all of those "joking around" are merely outlets. Pati ung shooing away pag andun ako, or making utos when everyone's so damn busy with an upcoming activity, ok lang un sa akin e, kaya lang nakakasama lang ng loob na it seems it's not out of friendship,parang more of a superior to an inferior. I don't know if it makes sense e, ok lang kung ilang beses lang e, kaya lang, MADAMING beses. nakakapanliit kaya.
With my new life now, I can better see everybody. There are others minsan mo lang makita pero pag nagkita kayo, iba ka pahalagahan. Thanks kenneth, the best ka.
And there are others na hindi mo close dati pero iba pag pinansin ka. Thanks pat, joyce, edna, at reinzi. How I wish I've known you a lot earlier.
There are others still who didn't give up on you, na who'll talk some sense kahit ala kang sense. Dati mong kasama pero mas naging close mo lalo. I'm not naming names.
There are others still na hndi mo kilala, na ngaun mo lang nakilala pero nakakagaan sa loob ung reaksyon pag anjan ka.Thanks jeanette, kuya joram, ate tinay, ate tin. Jeans, iba ka.
But there are others na I don't know if I'd love and see the way I've seen and loved them before. I still look up to them as friends, kaya lang..ayaw nio kasi sa akin e.
Masyado lang siguro akong sensitive, pwede ring hinde. Inipon ko lang, ngaun lang sumabog. Nakakaasar kasi e. Kayo pa.
"I went to a distance, somehow far yet so near, and I finally realized I wasn't part of the picture.I guess I should go find my own."
There, sawa na ako sa bubblegum. At kayo ang naging basurahan.
posted by Randyh @ Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Comments: 2
