"Enjoy Life. There's plenty of time to be dead. "Enthused by my cutesy friend Danica. Apparently, it kind of seemed like a running joke then. Well, sabagay, in the land of the living, it's easy to die, to kill, or take away life. On the other hand, mahirap bumuhay ng patay na. To un-die someone, if there's such a phrase. To die, just so simply means, coming to a complete halt. We cry when people dear to us leave us for some place else. Going out of the country, or relocating someplace else, it doesn't matter. For the many of us, physical contact is just as important. Tangibility. And again, just like the aforementioned, when this comes to a sudden stop, we are stunned. Actually, what dawns first is the sudden stop. And then, we don't know what to do next, how to act, how to respond, because it is our first instinct is to adapt, first at hand. That is just temporary leaving. Places. Earth-bounded. And then comes, the permanence. And we call it Death.With the recent string of events, a neighbor on the verge of dying due to a terminal illness, an old teacher suffering from ESRD (End-stage renal disease), and the heart shattering demise of some of my friends' pals, I couldn't let these things pass by without me mulling over the subject. Actually, it really is difficult, even for me who's not directly hit by the grief. And to this note, how much more to the closely related?Death may sound bad. Even fearsome. I am scared as well. Scared as hell. I don't know to where I am bound to just in case. And I know, this sentiment is shared by the majority. Una-unahan lang talaga, in the race, where no one wants to take the lead. And then the others go , prepared, while some, are gotten, at the snap of the finger.I am not promulgating anything for my recent post. I just felt it rightful that I give my share, and to pour my musings. This may sound mawkish, but this is another current reality we have to face. Because it happens. At any given time.I dedicate this post to EJ, and to the friend of Soulmate Karen. I don't know if I have the right, but since you've made them happy during your lifetime, then, I owe you a part of their goodness. You may not know me, might not ever heard of me, but since you make an impact to them, I could almost feel the waves you've made.See you at the afterlife! And just so you know, you are loved. :)Labels: Current Issues, Death, Events, Sadness
Rites.
Gad. It is Sunday already.Aatend ba ako? Pupuntahan ba kita? I still don't know. Still reeling from your tragedy. Our tragedy. Oh yes. Our tragedy. I still couldn't believe the entire incident. Although we've long talked of these, it never crossed my mind that it would be done. Although many attempts have been made, it never occured t0 me that one day, you would be that successful in it. I've long believed.. no. They've all believed that I was one of those reasons you weren't pursuing your plan. Hell. You were so desperate for it. And I dunno if I could ever forgive you. Or at least, for now. You always see to it that my decision was known to you. And I know they mattered. You've always said that I always come to your rescue. I liked the idea that I could help you as far as I could, even going overboard. Although sometimes, I may have grudged then that you weren't always there for me. Kasi naman.. Understandable still. Alam mo naman na hindi ako ma-confide na tao. And I wouldn't want to burden you even more. Between the two of us, incidentally, I was the stronger type. You had your worries, and I've had mine, but I didn't mind at all.Hell. I couldn't spit out the words. You didn't call me right there and then. I thought it was odd that you weren't texting, or bugging me for the last few number of days. Pinagaalala mo ako. Had I not asked around, I wouldn't have known all that has happened. Nalungkot lang ako. When I should have been there, I was not. I was joking all the time, " Hindi nga kita pinapakagat sa lamok e. Magsabi ka lang. Akong bahala. " Serious issues abound, yes. And if anyone would know the magnitude of those reasons, they could probably understand. But I do not. Probably, I won't. You could have leaned on me even for the last time. Pero ganyan ka e. Kung di pa ako mangungulit, di mo sasabihin.Selfish na kung selfish. At least ngayun lang. Madaya ka. Madaya ka lang talaga. Sarili mo lang iniisip mo. Di mo na inisip kapwa mo. Kahit ako lang. I've always dreamt of you finally overpowering me, so I could lean on you even for a fleeting moment. Still waiting for that. But I guess, you gave up. And the wait, is finally over.Hindi mo na binigyan ang sarili mo na mabago ang tingin ko sayo. Always the selfish type. Always. Ako naman ngayon. Hell. Again, I couldn't even speak. May bumabara sa lalamunan ko. Madaya ka. Leaving me of all these guilt. You've never seen me cry, I tried not to, in your presence, because I was afraid it would crumble my whole edifice. Mahina ka kasi. For sure, tumatawa ka diyan. Dahil mukha akong tanga. The hell I care. Galit ako sayo. And I've decided, di na lang ako pupunta. Saka na, pag mag-isa ka na lang. That way, masosolo na kita. Thinking of it, this could have been your way to end your pains. You forgot to ask me though, if I weren't paining as well. Nah. forget about it. This could be your way to repay me. You better guard me, and eye on me for always. :)Thanks for the laughter. And making me a worthy person. I wish we could have laughed on all your stuff for like forever. Pero, good things come to an end. Good people end as well. Nauna ka lang. Tsk. Kala mo, when I see you after a few good years, I'm gonna give you a good scolding, like you always get from me. And when I see that smirk on your face, I'll punch you in the gut. :-P Kita mo na, ngayun pa lang, namimiss na ata kita.Labels: Confusions, Death, Events, Sadness
An Untimely Demise
No more dirty sleeves, with pawprints. No more nose to pinch. No more funny moments brought about by standing on hind legs. No more brown furs.The other day, I couldn't leave the house for work because my pet dog was ailing. Seriously afflicted with a disease. The Vet clinic I know in town was already closed, and I just had to suffice the whole dredging moment with having my dog drink as much water, eat as much food, and take-in supplements just to probably alleviate the pain she is enduring. I had to fan her for almost an hour because she was having a shortage of air, and I was stroking her intact fur for comfort. She also had some sort of fever, and I know something is wrong, she's been coughing out blood, my mom told me. We've been blaming her probable fondness for rusty metals, for the last few days. We should have taken measures then.Upon reaching home, I learnt of the death. At the very instant, I felt a part of me has just left. Truly devastating. I was expecting two dogs to welcome me on my arrival. Apparently, one had gone away. Goodbye,Anubis. That's Anubis for me and my brother. Lassie to my mother, and Tuta to my other brother. All were pertaining to one and the same canine. Anubis
Outlived by 4 brothers, Mother and Dad
and Hatshepsut
Labels: Death, Pets, Sadness
