Saturday, January 19, 2008

..And there was Fear, Power and Sickness

The day was rather unproductive yet tiring. Which is of course not good. Coming home from work is at its worse, especially if you do it when the sun is already up, say 7:30am? I have an 11.30 am class and I projected myself into coming home about 8:30 or 9am. It was rather dumb of me and the entire office to have left me sleeping in my station for the entire 2hours, when I should be at home then already. No one even bothered to wake me up, for whoever's sake. I almost jumped from my seat knowing fully well I was sleeping in a working place. Oh well. Too much for being coo-ed to much in the office. Boo-hoo. I have a life in the morning, ok?

To add to the complexity, I found bloodstain in my bed a few moments after I woke up. No I wasn't pregnant, or anything, I don't even have a uterus (and don't intend to have) to begin with. My mom panicked at the sight of blood, only to find out that it came from a wound. And I was feeling sick the entire day, so sick that I had decided not to go to school. Good thing the exam was moved for the tuesday, and it was a relief. Plus the fact that I don't have pretty much of an activity for school that day. And I've got this field trip on a saturday afternoon.

I was feeling sick the entire day, but I was afraid to go to sleep. So afraid I was that it attacked me from behind, therefore putting me on an afternoon slumber. It was a rather sad afternoon, and I was feeling lonely I had to commission my brother to forego any activity and just stay in the sala and watch me sleep. It was again that fear lurking from somewhere, and I was afraid it would engulf me entirely.

It was indeed a slow day, and it was just heightened with this small fight I had with the elder of my going to law school. Anyway, they've talked of it yesterday over dinner and this caucus reached a consensus of being against my decision. Of course, who could stop me when I am the single biggest key influence of the household. This shall hold true for every member of the household. I hold you by the neck, fellows. And you know very well what I am talking of.

Quote of the day:

"The world is teeming with engots!" -- Dona Corazon Roxas vda. Berenguer

posted by Randyh @ Saturday, January 19, 2008 Comments: 2

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ground State

I think it would just be normal, and apparently befitting that I'd be feeling a little sad and down. The day had been somewhat good and benign to me that there was little room for worries and the like. To add up, it would be normalcy just working on its own. What I mean is, after experiencing numerous hypes, spontaneities, highs and laughters, one must learn to go back to the ground state. Parang electron lang yan e. You would be injected an amount of energy, making one jolt to the excited state, afterwhich you are expected to go back to the ground state, as mentioned beforehand.
  1. Yay. I miss my mom. Si mama. I wanna be baby-ied again. In every sense of the word. Being this young adult could really get into the nerves. And rather frustrating. And it sucks, indeed. I just wanna crawl back to mama and bumuntot lang muna. Wala lang. And give her this really really big hug.
  2. I miss Randolfh. Again. For some absurd reason, having your twin just sitting beside you in the living room and laughing with you at all those Ace Ventura movies prove to be satisfying. And they add up to the sense of security.
  3. I miss the banana split.
  4. I miss doing text marathons. Talking incessantly over issues both important and insanely irrelevant is my cup of tea. I like conversing. And having that single message serving as a reply never failed to thrill me. Yey yey.
  5. I miss my soulmate. Tsk. Ikaw e. Fueled me to create this blog entry. I commiserate with you. La lang. Para at least, may kasama ka.
  6. I was really scared with that man directly opposite me in the jeep kanina. He was constantly coughing out the pain in his chest. I dunno. It elicited the fear in me. May naalala lang siguro ako. I once had respiratory ailments. And I think this is phobia already. :-(
  7. Lying, for the most of it, it makes me insane. Basta. Duwag lang talaga siguro ako. OR takot sa madaming bagay. At alam kong ako lang mag-isa ang haharap sa lahat ng iyon.
  8. I am a tad excited with what Rosa's gonna give me. This organizer she says. Rosa talaga o.My oh my. This shall mark the first time that someone's given me this gift, a rather useful one. Wala pala ako masyadong gifts last holidays. Oh well.
  9. I miss that little thing lurking inside the room. It was nice seeing you again.
  10. Ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam ng pagkabusog. Naaaburido ako.
  11. The office commands a great deal of negativity. I just want to go home just now. Or go someplace else..
  12. I miss Lala. And her antics. Isa ka pala sa hinanap ko agad at the onset of classes.
  13. No matter how busy I seem to get, it's not the "busy" I really intend to be. It bugs me that sometimes, I just stare at blank space and do nothing when in fact I should be doing something.
  14. Time and again. Di naman galit. Just a little frustrated with why you have to leave me with this "ugali" I know I was never born with. It makes me cry sometimes. If I could just do away with it..
  15. Nadudurog lang ang puso ko sa kakasulat ng post na to. Wala lang. Not by any reason. Perhaps personal mishaps.
  16. I shall be heeding Ann's constant piece of advice. Sleep them away. And I'm a little sleepy na din, come to think of it.
  17. Kailangan ko nga talaga siguro ng doctor. The real one. Seriously. This time, pwera biro.
  18. After eons, it seems as though I'm still at this very same spot. Dumaan nga ba ang ilang taon?
  19. Sana may magtext. A quote? A personal hi and hello? A reassurance? A "long time no see"? Not being helpless, but rather needy. Just someone to talk to.
  20. UP. You have taken so much from me. My happiness. My stability. The kid in me.

I'm not sad. I'm just exhausted. Plus the negative ambience. Coupled with sheer, inert fear. And people have been quite sad, and I'm so not in the mood to buck that trend.

Good Evening. Happy smiles tomorrow. :)

posted by Randyh @ Thursday, January 17, 2008 Comments: 2

Saturday, January 12, 2008

This Vehicle of Thought

Glimpse. Glimpse. Stare. Glare. Glimpse.

Ever since, and just like that previous post, I've always maintained myself into seating on this particular section of the bus. Barring unforeseen crimes, of which, I am a veteran already, taking a bus ride has always, and has never failed to shower me all those memories, both happy and the not-so-happy. Sometimes, I wince upon some thoughts, and sometimes, they bring smiles and grins. Traversing the same old path that we all call EDSA, I've associated places with people, people with places, places with events that mattered, and events that could've taken place.

Anyway, just a heads-up, I've chosen to sit on the right side of the bus heading north and to the left, southbound. I've desired to sit beside the open window, and look far and out to see what changes I have taken for granted. Probably also to see desire in its incarnate form. You see desire everyday, but you get to want to see desire when it is sleeping.

Dextrorotatory. The rightmost part. The one most proximal to the window. The cold wind of the early morning. I once glanced at the left, only to see flashes of lights, the busy bodies. Yes, I smiled, but it is the matter of going back to where the smiles are more evident.

It is the matter of where you are most comfortable. You get the highs and lows, but it is where you feel stable.

Glance. Glance. Stare. Smile.

posted by Randyh @ Saturday, January 12, 2008 Comments: 0

Friday, January 11, 2008

The Streak

In a few hours, and finally, my state of being awake shall cease. Not counting the 45minute sleep I've managed earlier the day, and the less than an hour nap before office proper, this would by far account for the longest time I am conscious. The last time I've had normal sleeping was tuesday, up to 7pm. So. Had I heeded the call of my friends to join the centennial parade for tuesday, that would've meant death for me earlier.

So. What have I done?
  • Tuesday Eve to Wednesday Dawn
  1. Went to work.
  2. Helped made a Ppt presentation. Of which will be in dire futility the morning afterwhich.
  3. Was commisioned for an OT, overtime, that is. And because I was Mr. Congeniality, I was all smiles. And an eye closed.
  4. More smiles. =) Di makapaghintay e. Yey.
  • Wednesday Morning to Wed Evening
  1. Arrived home, past 7am.
  2. Was horrified to have made an error in my project. Blah. Finished it off.
  3. Made a new record. Ate breakfast, bathed, dressed up. All in less than 30minutes. I owe it to Mama. She was immediately stressed when I came home because she was the one who prepared the meal and my semi-formal suit. Hay. miss na kita, mama.
  4. 8:30am. Went to Yuchengco Museum. Come worst. My bag snapped. The heat was scorching. My eyes were tired. The bus gave up on us passengers, so thank you taxi cab. Thank you traffic. Thank you precious legs, I had to run. Thank you time, for going slow I was late for 40minutes.
  5. Thank you, A/C. I would've appreciated more had the room been a lot colder. Yeah.
  6. Had a fun time. Then went for a stroll, the Ayala way. I never imagined that being left alone with the tall buildings would be so enjoying. And then, I went to CAS. More yey.
  7. More strolling. And tired myself even more by briskly walking. Oh well, at least I was eating majestically.
  8. Went to a mass. Part of the day's itinerary. Kelangan magpasalamat.
  9. Dined with friends.
  10. Good times ahead. :-P
  11. Went to work.

*Notice the absence of "Slept"*

  • Thursday Dawn up to-date
  1. Went home. 7:30am.
  2. Was scolded by dad. For slowly killing myself.
  3. Yey. 45minute sleep. Then made preparations for school.
  4. School.
  5. After-classes constituted some walking to and from, and window-shopping and lots of eating. And they were fun. But I was at the brink of shutdown. Symptoms? Feeling light-headed.
  6. Date with Blythe. Over pizza. But I was somewhere, virtually.
  7. Headed for work. And watched TV!
  8. Power nap.
  9. Now.

Right now, I yearn for sleep. What I would give for even a 4-hour sleep. Buti na lang talaga.

Labels: , ,

posted by Randyh @ Friday, January 11, 2008 Comments: 1

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Welcome, 2008!

For the last two yearends from the creation of this blog, I've never yet created any official last post for that year.

Anyway, funny it may look that old habits never seem to die, and unfortunately, they worsen. But not much. Wala lang. Real funny.

It's the new year. 2008. I've yet to think of my resolutions. So far, tardiness would be on the top of the list. And others. And others. And those those those others I couldn't even specify.

There's still chance. It's only 2days. 364 days pa naman [leap year ngayon!].

Talk about crap. My very first entry for the year is indeed a crap. Haha!

Happy 2008!

posted by Randyh @ Wednesday, January 02, 2008 Comments: 0