Lost Soul
Last night, I was very much in a state of oblivion. I hurriedly went out of the house to walk along the streets. It was 1am. The cool breeze complemented the cool water which hugged my whole body under the showers a few minutes ago. Cool. Such coolness against the warmth of my body. I quickly crossed my arms across my chest. I had to walk. I had to.I came across a small place with drunkards happily chattering the hours away. They were noisily banging their hands on the table whenever they made their points. Such sundry discussion during the wee hours of the night. The plates, full of those meats and the like, were clattering every now and then due to the crowded space they occupy. I do not know why I was staring at them for like a minute or so, taking note of what they were doing up to each detail. It seemed like a movie, although it isn't particularly riveting. Not at all. Actually, it was closest to boring. But then, it was a good choice since I had nothing better to do at home. I've just finished the book I know I will always love, and sleeping isn't an option yet. It's another one of those nights I know I am very much good into, lazy summer nights spent staring into space in a stupor. Tonight, is different a situation since I've told myself it is better to stare at all those moving objects in a stupor, than it is to stare into space in the same stupor. So here I am now. I passed by them after a while. I needed to walk. To calm my spirits. I needed to wail as well, but I had no one to at the moment. During these so-wanted-to-forget times, I want to talk. Endlessly. But something was stopping me from doing so. I felt the usual thorn stuck down my throat. I let out a whimper. I had to admit it. I was lonely. I was miserable. I was drowning.After a while, I tried to compose myself. Inevitably, this is where I was headed for anyway, so why not make it now. I trudged my way back home. I let out a soft sigh as I tried to memorize everything I could lay my eyes on. I don't know for how long, I don't know why I even accepted it. Within me, I had the answer, but I'm afraid all I had were premature reasons. Retreating to my bed, I felt a sense of nostalgia hovering over me. I looked at my phone. A few texted back, at least. I had to remember their faces, forgetting them was dreadful. I tried to sleep. It was the best option. It was heavy. And after almost 2hours, I finally got myself into sleeping. Probably my last here. :) Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.Labels: Events, Resurgences, Sadness
Agglutination
The day started out with me almost giving up on almost everything. Iniisip ko na lang na matapos yung araw, and Good Heavens, ok na. As in! The morning, noon and early afternoon totalled a great disaster, and I was on the verge of leaping out of the borders of my sanity. I remember walking along Pedro Gil and Agoncillo, back and forth, and taking a jeepney ride to Faura because I was at my low then, and I couldn't contain the pressure. I kept on thinking, even though I already have in my hand my finished output. Circumstances prevented me to pass the original, brought about by the loss of the fucking USB. It's late in the afternoon when I finally met head on with probably good luck, and some good strike. I got the grade I didn't expect to get. Which was higher. Haha! Ayun. I quickly went to the PGH chapel to show my appreciation.The day was rather odd. I was busy sorting out things inside my head, but it seems they have gotten themselves some strong roots. Sometimes, I think of empanelling a grand jury to help me decide on these issues. Literally, it kills me. But you know, it's kinda weird. Being killed this way, it's blissful. Reeeaally blissful.One thing. It changed my outlook. I thought once you just fall for it. But then, what do you know. I'm climbing onto it. Full speed.*Stock market and Philippine Peso: At 7 year-highs! Yey!Labels: -ber, Confusions, Resurgences, Thoughts, tracking the stock market ang hobby..
Accio, 2nd Vengeful Spirit!
I was extra furious a while ago, because of the sudden downpour of rain, which was the reason I was drenched in cold rainwater. I planned to go strolling, and I found myself aboard a megataxi. I wasn't headed for an exact place, actually. I just want to go away, far away from my known reality. I prefer to call it, pagtakas. I was escaping from my reality, and I couldn't think of anyone to tag along, and pour out my sentiments with, since everyone, literally everyone, was busy and preoccupied with their own qualms. And since that's the case, then there's no reason letting anyone know yours. Di naman ako galit. Nagiging choosy na lang talaga ako.There it goes again. The old feeling I once harbored. Paulit ulit na lang talaga. Parang sirang plaka, if ever I'd rant about it. Oftentimes, I enjoy holding grudges. It let's you see people in a different light. Or in the dark. I once tackled the feelings of being in the unknown. I've been there. The beauty of being in it is far outweighed by its beastliness. I'm wondering where I should stand. If I should give this much, or more. I am seeking a refuge, and I want it under your wings. Nah. Labo. Labo. Labo. You know, this feeling, is far exceeded by any Sword of Damocles hung above your head. Or probably being tantalized. So near, yet kilometres apart."People trust me with their secrets. But who do I trust with mine?" --Barbara Covett [Judi Dench] Notes on a ScandalLabels: -ber, Confusions, Resurgences, Sadness
the passerby bleeds
You try to forget some ill-fated moments, some of which are doomed for failure even at the beginning. While others are constantly complaining with why the clocks have seemingly stopped ,when all they are relying upon is the healing prowess of time, the greater majority has been spared. You so eagerly await for days. And days become weeks. And then months. And semesters. And all was well.
I passed by the the PSE kanina. I was planning to go to Greenbelt to watch an Indie film. 'Twas very early then, and I had the impulse to just watch. Kaya lang, the minute I planted myself on the seat, it probably had grown roots.
Going back, I glared at the building which houses the local bourse. Funny it seems that people just pass by it without even taking a sec to glance. Kind of taking it for granted. If they just know that this one gave me my very first job as a quasi-advertising agent in ATC. If they just know that they serve Risotto with Radicchio and Gorgonzola. And that this one generates lots of money.
And if they just know this place was once a sanctuary. And hell, I'm missing this place.
Memories. They'll remain as they are.
*currently listening to Yellowcard's Everywhere*
Labels: Resurgences, Thoughts
