Unflinchingly Lamented
I've had my day off today, and I spent most of the afternoon watching Death Note. I was supposed to be having a good good time with it, more so that I was with Randolfh. I knew then that he was busily enjoying himself with constant chit-chat with me between episode breaks, watching most of the time and texting his friends. As for me, I wasn't in a mood. Unlike the other days, I was enjoying the anime, but today, it was different. Again, I was submerged into this deep thinking. Once in a while, I resurface whenever my brother would ask me pertinent questions about the anime, about the characters, about words he couldn't decipher, and after that, I'd crawl back to the gloom I was beginning to enjoy, not because it was fun, but because I didn't have much of a choice. The last few days have seen me as a happy person worthy of company. And yes, I've tried my best to look just like that, even reaching the limit of exhaustion and still pushing myself to the very verge. Some kind of a test of how far I could go. And how far I couldn't. My stability is once again in question. Kind of like being put in its acid test when it shouldn't be the case. I dunno. I just put into thinking that the whole of the 365days in a year are not mine, my days, so to speak. There are happy days, and the not-so-happy days. The days when you feel you want to punch even a stranger, or shout at the top of your lungs, which I deem beautiful and helpful, take my word for it. I'm sad. Not because of any flimsy reason. Because it isn't rightful that you are downed by the turmoil and I am basking under such enjoyment. To put into a nutshell, I shall readily abandon these, and will have them exchange for your sorrow. Shadow. I shall be your shadow. Labels: -ber, Thoughts
A Few One-Liners
This may be sadistic, and I'm pretty sure that a few heads would turn and if they'd ever decode what the hell this one means, they'd readily jump over me and tear my temper from my flesh and bones. Haha. Kaya lang, I really just can't help it.I wish you'd "disband". Not the usual disband. Just go on doing your things in separate ways. Yeah, that would be less evil. I totally want you guys, and if ever I have time, I spent time just drifting away time with you. Excellence in the field I must say.Just separate. That'd be fine. I've nothing against you. But the hell, you affect my whole schedule! Whenever you appear in tinseltown, goodness, it elicits fear in me. Coz I know, something might happen and I shall be in anxiety mode again. I dunno. It's becoming a cycle. Or better yet, just go to foreign lands. Yun, pwede pa! Just away here. With that, you'd be giving me much much favor.Grabe. Ang sama ko na talaga. Haha. Labels: -ber, Events
Softcore Rant
Hehe. Napa-update tuloy ako ng wala sa schedule. Negativity. Always the strong element that never fails to push me to write anew anything. Virtually anything. Monday, November 5, 2007. You shall be remembered all throughout. --> First and foremost, Migraine. My left temple kept throbbing up until the last minute. It felt like my heart kept pumping energy to the thousands of jackhammers inside my head. And my great capillaries, I swear, would have grown into arteries, actual size. I hope it's not tumor. And if it is, splendid relief. Death is most welcome.--> Secondly, Insomnia. This great friend I've thought for months, and what a heap of joy to have realized that it had left me for someone more worthy. But no. The customer is back. With a vengeance. Sleep arrives at the most untimely moment, say, over dinner? It wouldn't be an exagerration to note that the soup[this time, the dreadful tinola], splattered over me when I reached for it from the end of the dining table. It could pass for stupidity, but no, I'll blame it for Insomnia. After 3am, it arrives, like an expected thief of the night, stashing away my precious sleep.-->Thirdly, no reunion with HS friends. Tsk. Everyone's busy, and I'm busy catching up sleep during the day. Or playing PC games. Or reading this novel. --> Next, this I wouldn't elaborate more. This is a secret. Hehe. Pero, nakakarelate ako sa'yo. Ok lang yan. You are goddamn honest, and I can't be like that. Especially in that aspect. Really a sensitive one. Haha! I'll do it. Focus. This is a new beginning.Business.--> The PSE trading this day all the more provided me the grimace. And I thought the main index would rally over the half percentage point cut made by the Fed. That's hefty, ok? Profit taking must be the culprit. I mean, the bourse could've made some edging over the long holiday, plus window-dressing. Companies would be posting strong corporate figures for 3rd quarter I assume, and these should be more than enough reason for a rally. --> The Peso is at 43.55 per dollar. That's great news. At almost 12% appreciation, we are just behind the Indian Rupee as Asia's Top Performing currency. We could topple them. We shall.--> The sad part. Oil, and crude, in the next few days, if the situations worsen, would breach $100 a barrel. That's oil crisis for us. It's already at $95-$96. I just hope it would plummet back to just $70-$80. An already high oil price would dampen our growth. We are aiming for at least 7% GDP for 2007. Hay. Sad news. Sad news. I'm just a little depressed. Daming excuses, no? Labels: -ber, Sadness, tracking the stock market ang hobby.., Updates
V for Virus. V for Victims!
Sometimes, too much is really disgusting. This is the case when your parents go out of their usual way, and act eerie. Creepy. In the spirit of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, we shall use "creepy". And may I suggest horrifying? We won't use weird in here, for it only pertains to HRH, Kristine Villanueva .[special mention!]Anyway, my parents would probably pass if tested for senility. My dad is just a little over 50, and my mom is at her 47, but they have literally gone out of their own bounds. I don't know, some people would probably say they are just rekindling their relationship. Actually, they were in some kind of a rumble a few weeks before. Same encounters, minus the cussing, or the nagging, just plain talking non-stop. Rather boring, eh?Digression. All Saints' Day was highlighted by this quasi-family bonding while watching a horror slash sci-fi slash blood-oozing rich scenes film, 28 weeks later . I think everyone should watch this one, especially those loving the science fiction. Although I've had enough of zombies. I still can't get past the trauma of seeing zombies with their sanities intact; they cry, they can remember, they plan things, they bond with friends, they even dress like cops, and are employed as cops!! ** Emotionally privileged walking corpses, zombies ought to be dumb!Going back, after the movie, my mom lunged at my dad, and she started biting his leg. Talk about getting infected with the virus. And my dad fought back. They were even moving damn slow, just like zombies. Even running after the other. Tsk. Parents?! What did we do wrong? Is this your way of telling us that we are no longer a happy family? We could talk of these, in one sitting, over dinner? But why?!?!There, friends, patrons, countrymen, you have marveled at such act worthy of the police's incident report. The truth of the matter is, it isn't appealling. It is appalling! Contact a shrink for me. My siblings and I, we badly need one. And we'll pay for the bills that'll be incurred.** The fate-forsaken film is titled Zombie Nation.Labels: -ber, Family, Tragedy, Updates
The Primate of my Thoughts
Sometimes, netsurfing could just shatter your most awaited happiness. The natural inquisitive behaviour of man, also known as curiosity, well fits into the picture. The past week was, again, good. Fine. Funny. Preposterous. Giddy-ish. Sometimes, I just wish things would be like that. Tsk. Takas moments. What I would give just to have all of those again. Nyek. Senti hydnar. Senti. Senti. Senti. If ever you'd encounter me in this mood, I give you due permission to strike that scimitar upon me. Haha! Hay. Goodluck. And smile. weekend. at last. Happy Halloween! Happy Oktoberfest!Postscript: Saka na yung more senseful updates, current feeds et al. Katamad e. Can't completely grasp the right words and adjectives.Labels: -ber, Happy, Smile, Suuuuuuhhhhweeeet, Thoughts
The Excited State of Bidding Goodbye and Saying Hello
Earlier, on my way to Ortigas, I suddenly found myself looking on the east side of the bus. The days pass by me like the breeze, and it's mid-october already. Dati, I look on the west side, and I still can remember vividly everything. It was a nice chapter of my life, and at this very moment, I'm ready to close that part of me. I'm looking east. Yes, I am. And I'm missing east. I can't wait to go there. Oh how I wish the east would want me as well. And if it did, I'll make sure, to grab it with both hands, and embrace the beauty that I once enamored. I'm back. I am. Yey!Labels: -ber, Happy, Mid-October, Thoughts
Agglutination
The day started out with me almost giving up on almost everything. Iniisip ko na lang na matapos yung araw, and Good Heavens, ok na. As in! The morning, noon and early afternoon totalled a great disaster, and I was on the verge of leaping out of the borders of my sanity. I remember walking along Pedro Gil and Agoncillo, back and forth, and taking a jeepney ride to Faura because I was at my low then, and I couldn't contain the pressure. I kept on thinking, even though I already have in my hand my finished output. Circumstances prevented me to pass the original, brought about by the loss of the fucking USB. It's late in the afternoon when I finally met head on with probably good luck, and some good strike. I got the grade I didn't expect to get. Which was higher. Haha! Ayun. I quickly went to the PGH chapel to show my appreciation.The day was rather odd. I was busy sorting out things inside my head, but it seems they have gotten themselves some strong roots. Sometimes, I think of empanelling a grand jury to help me decide on these issues. Literally, it kills me. But you know, it's kinda weird. Being killed this way, it's blissful. Reeeaally blissful.One thing. It changed my outlook. I thought once you just fall for it. But then, what do you know. I'm climbing onto it. Full speed.*Stock market and Philippine Peso: At 7 year-highs! Yey!Labels: -ber, Confusions, Resurgences, Thoughts, tracking the stock market ang hobby..
Thinking out Loud
Haha! This is definitely farcical. I've been chancing up on some pictures over the web, surfing for just about anything, until I stumbled upon this article, not necessarily a commenting one, and not a vilifying one either. It introduced me to this/these uhhh... newfound subject(s). Upon closer look, I found out that I was interested because.. hmmm.. Good grief. The "subject" or "subjects" (yes, they are two), have a striking resemblance to someone I know. Haha! And it just dawned on me, like 5 secs earlier? Oh well. Just lighting up the night. It's been a good week. And I've gotten myself a replenishment of funds. School is about to end, just some papers more. And work's good too, I'm getting the hang of it, after such a looong time, actually, even bagging the top agent position. But even the sum of all of these are dwarved by this little incident. And I wonder. Even more, I will ponder upon. Hopefully, not some farce.Labels: -ber, Out Loud, Smile, Thoughts
Vague Vicissitudes
Glaring at the monitor screen, I try to detach myself from the noise that well surrounds me. For this certain moment, I'd like to impose a sense of monotony to the world. It's quite riveting that the next potentate that I am, I feel a little helpless when I should be wielding a great force to let everyone know that in here lies a certain me. Hehe. Funny. fuuunny. It is particularly imminent that the tides have switched and reverted themselves. Curse the moon, in this case, Deimos and Phobos, for going over the fence so quickly. But I don't think one would imagine that this would be so abrupt. Rawr. The tagalogs have a term for this. "Parang dumaan lang"."Hi flower. And what the heck are you smiling at?" haha. A sign of nonexistence...And I shall disappear with the whiff of the wind. And no one would know where I had gone to.PS. Why?Labels: -ber, Confusions, Mars speaks, Thoughts, Weak
Seven Severities
Uh. Updates? Hmmm.. For wednesday, everything went to a slow. The day waaaas slow. But it was relatively fine. Just a few disappointments. *sigh* What do I expect?1. Yay. Just had a minor argument with an overseas aunt. Tsk. Over the phone. Details would be spared from divulgence. It was, uh, normal naman. I mean, I had to assert myself. And weave a bunch of lies. She was a bit stern, but I kept on convincing myself and her for the reasons of my stay. I just felt a bit bad that all was in the works already, only one was pending. Ayan ha. 2. Finished some papers. And started working on my last project. Uggh. It drained me. 3. It would seem that the funds I am expecting would be delayed. I'm running low! Wahaha. Lately, I coerced myself to do a little audit of my expenditures, followed by a few grimaces. And I throw some of the receipts. One time, my mom saw them, and went to her rare monstrosity. 4. Speaking of my Mom, we haven't been much into speaking terms lately. Must've been that incident. She accused me for being arrogant. Haha. I think that was funny. It must be true. Ayus lang. Ma, I miss you. And 'wag na kasi paranoid, ok?5. I went ballistic a while ago. The 1-km stretch that is the Alabang Rotonda did it. The traffic! It rivals EDSA! I was gaping at the horror of staying for almost an hour inside the jeepney. See 1km. There's no logic. And here's my favorite part. When I finally decided to walk, guess? The vehicles moved. And voila. No traffic. Another evidence of planetary conspiracy. Makes me wonder. 6. Learnt of a news. Gaaad. 7. Earlier this morning, Jerico got me into thinking, and it made me extremely weak. My knees were literally trembling. Haay. Saka na yan. Feeling ko, mauulit na naman ang trahedya ng highschool. Labels: -ber, Confusions, List, Mid-October, Updates, Weak
The Leave-er and the Leave-ee
For the past months, it never ceased to amaze me, I mean, the wonders and the bonkers of the thought of someone leaving ahead of others. I've always been fascinated with how people cope with this one, and particularly shattered, of course, when bonds tightly kept are abruptly cut. I'll share with everyone these lines from a blog I used to visit."...naisip ko lang kanina, napakaswerte ng mga taong umaalis. kahit mapipilitan silang iwanan ang mga mahal nila, may bagong lugar upang bumuo muli ng panibagong buhay. ngunit paano naman ang mga naiiwan? ang hirap gumising na lamang at mapapansin mong pareho parin lang buhay. eto parin ang buhay na kinagawian mo. ang tanging nagbago ay wala na siya. narito ka parin sa lugar na makapagpapaalala sa'yo ng mga sandaling kasama mo siya. mahirap lalong lumimot, bumitaw at kumawala sa mga alaalang pumapako sa'yo sa mahal mo..."Everytime I come across this one, I feel a pang hit my stomach. It seems that the writer has an inexplicable wanting for that someone already bound to leave. Tsk. Attachments. Too much victims in this world already. More members, eh?Sometimes, I would tell Jerico the sadness of the person leaving. I think it surpasses even the sum total of those who would be left behind. When Johann left the trio, we were devastated. But I think it was more for him. For a single person, it would be too much to bear. Time would tell that these people would grieve, and then, time would heal the wounds, and then, they forget. They could regroup, and bond even more. As to the one who left? A new environment, a new start, a new everything. Start from scratch.Nabibigyan ng pagkakataon yung mga naiiwan to seek solace from one another. They could still be in normality since they still have one another, just minus one. It's rather sad that the solution to every ache and pain has to be forgetting. And with that, the person associated with it.It's quite funny that people make up for lost time just to compensate. Rosa, it's sweet you've gone out of your way just to express sentiments. I thoroughly appreciate that. And don't worry, for the person you are addressing in your journal, you are one of the reasons why the other side has to be considered. Don't worry about our pact. I'm sure, you could do it.I'm just waiting for the verdict......And the words of that one person recently wielding the single biggest influence in my life. I will be hanging on to these..Labels: -ber, Journey, Mid-October, Sadness, Thoughts
Accio, 2nd Vengeful Spirit!
I was extra furious a while ago, because of the sudden downpour of rain, which was the reason I was drenched in cold rainwater. I planned to go strolling, and I found myself aboard a megataxi. I wasn't headed for an exact place, actually. I just want to go away, far away from my known reality. I prefer to call it, pagtakas. I was escaping from my reality, and I couldn't think of anyone to tag along, and pour out my sentiments with, since everyone, literally everyone, was busy and preoccupied with their own qualms. And since that's the case, then there's no reason letting anyone know yours. Di naman ako galit. Nagiging choosy na lang talaga ako.There it goes again. The old feeling I once harbored. Paulit ulit na lang talaga. Parang sirang plaka, if ever I'd rant about it. Oftentimes, I enjoy holding grudges. It let's you see people in a different light. Or in the dark. I once tackled the feelings of being in the unknown. I've been there. The beauty of being in it is far outweighed by its beastliness. I'm wondering where I should stand. If I should give this much, or more. I am seeking a refuge, and I want it under your wings. Nah. Labo. Labo. Labo. You know, this feeling, is far exceeded by any Sword of Damocles hung above your head. Or probably being tantalized. So near, yet kilometres apart."People trust me with their secrets. But who do I trust with mine?" --Barbara Covett [Judi Dench] Notes on a ScandalLabels: -ber, Confusions, Resurgences, Sadness
Accio, Vengeful Spirit!
Earlier, I woke up with a heavy heart. I had an unusual dream. Sometimes, I suspect that someone must've been interfering with my unconscious and imperatively making an active participation. The dream made me realize some things I had so worked hard to forget. But it seemed as if I have failed so miserably to bury them, that it took them today to finally unearth themselves. The result? I woke up with a grimace.Aboard a passenger bus, I accidentally found myself looking at my palms. It was empty. And I chuckled. It's been so long since I've received something from someone. I remember pinning my hopes, that probably tomorrow, someone would give me even a piece of candy, or chewing gum. This isn't mendicancy, but I'm kind of tired relishing when was the last time I've gotten anything from anyone. I appreciate everything, more so to those little things.Sometimes, I appear nonchalant to whatever things anyone says. I just resort to shrugging off anything displeasing to my senses, and try not to think too much of them. They ruin your day, eh. The worst part here is when your very circle neglects the very element you want them to shower upon you. Bottomline. Tama na. Sawa na ako e. I refuse to believe that people are born evil. That selfishness could be altered. You are like a black hole. You drain me my existence. You know, there had been a thousand instances that I've thought I'm just a supporting actor in my own theatre. Kasi ikaw ang bida.I hope that soon, you'd realize that when I grow tired, ultimately, I step up efforts to erase a person from my realm. Puta. the 2nd placer is the first loser. Labels: -ber, Thoughts
-ber month ahead
Unang araw ng September. Tsk. Pasko na ulet!!Grabe. Inaapoy na ako ng lagnat. At nasa office pa ako. Full shift daw. 9pm to 6am. Mantakin mo nga yun. Galing ko daw sabi ng officemates ko. At, patong patong na yung jacket at kumot para hindi masyadong lamigin. Pero nanunuot pa din yung malamig na hangin. Terible. Naka-ilan na kong antipyretic at nasal decongestant. Bumabagsak na yung talukap ng mata ko. Grabe. Kaantok. Weekend na! Yey!The fever has finally made its way, at last. Ayun nga sa warcraft, Wicked sick! Dominating! Mega kill! Mooooonster Kill!Labels: -ber, dota, sickness
