Unflinchingly Lamented
I've had my day off today, and I spent most of the afternoon watching Death Note. I was supposed to be having a good good time with it, more so that I was with Randolfh. I knew then that he was busily enjoying himself with constant chit-chat with me between episode breaks, watching most of the time and texting his friends. As for me, I wasn't in a mood. Unlike the other days, I was enjoying the anime, but today, it was different. Again, I was submerged into this deep thinking. Once in a while, I resurface whenever my brother would ask me pertinent questions about the anime, about the characters, about words he couldn't decipher, and after that, I'd crawl back to the gloom I was beginning to enjoy, not because it was fun, but because I didn't have much of a choice. The last few days have seen me as a happy person worthy of company. And yes, I've tried my best to look just like that, even reaching the limit of exhaustion and still pushing myself to the very verge. Some kind of a test of how far I could go. And how far I couldn't. My stability is once again in question. Kind of like being put in its acid test when it shouldn't be the case. I dunno. I just put into thinking that the whole of the 365days in a year are not mine, my days, so to speak. There are happy days, and the not-so-happy days. The days when you feel you want to punch even a stranger, or shout at the top of your lungs, which I deem beautiful and helpful, take my word for it. I'm sad. Not because of any flimsy reason. Because it isn't rightful that you are downed by the turmoil and I am basking under such enjoyment. To put into a nutshell, I shall readily abandon these, and will have them exchange for your sorrow. Shadow. I shall be your shadow. Labels: -ber, Thoughts
The Hegemon
(Nine Inch Nails)
... And yes, there must really be Happiness in Slavery.
A Few One-Liners
This may be sadistic, and I'm pretty sure that a few heads would turn and if they'd ever decode what the hell this one means, they'd readily jump over me and tear my temper from my flesh and bones. Haha. Kaya lang, I really just can't help it.I wish you'd "disband". Not the usual disband. Just go on doing your things in separate ways. Yeah, that would be less evil. I totally want you guys, and if ever I have time, I spent time just drifting away time with you. Excellence in the field I must say.Just separate. That'd be fine. I've nothing against you. But the hell, you affect my whole schedule! Whenever you appear in tinseltown, goodness, it elicits fear in me. Coz I know, something might happen and I shall be in anxiety mode again. I dunno. It's becoming a cycle. Or better yet, just go to foreign lands. Yun, pwede pa! Just away here. With that, you'd be giving me much much favor.Grabe. Ang sama ko na talaga. Haha. Labels: -ber, Events
Security
And for the record, Friday night was to be known as the catastrophic period . It ended beautifully, was abrupted nicely, damn that orchestration, and was perfectly ended by this certain incident I've at least encountered for the third longest time. It literally brought the whole week on its knees. I really shouldn't be blogging about this. But now, I think it's rather funny already. It's awkwardly funny. And becoming increasingly more ridiculous. The very first thought that occured to me was those stored memories I've so painstakingly collected and I constantly recollect. They've reached an agonizing 900+ messages vis-a-vis photos and dates to remember. And now they're all gone. All gone.The second one that entered my mind was the parallelism it drew. The scene. My mobile acting funny. And those faces smiling at the thought of instant fortune and valuables. Once again, I've come face to face with pending death. With an almost staggering wrong move, I may not be able to write another of these recounts. I've seen it once, and I saw it again earlier.It makes me asphyxiate. It panics the hell out of me. We call it a gun. And more so when you see it just inches away from you.I'm scared. Because of this and THAT. And why does it have to occur on a Friday? Tas wala ka pa.15 passengers. 5 opressors. Yes. For the third longest time, I was robbed. And this day, twice. Twice.
Help.
... And with man's search for a "graceful" and quick exit to constant inquiry and other pertinent reasons, another sin has emerged. The Art of Lying.
This one hit me. Not that I lie too much. I actually lie on purpose. And not regularly. Sometimes, I couldn't hear my conscience speak to me, maybe I've justified things, or probably, I've just gotten numb. Or nasanay.
My life. Yes. It is full of lies. Who would want to be in my shoes?
Hilahin niyo naman ako palabas. Nagmamakaawa na ako.Labels: Plea
Influenced
Lately, I have mixed feelings for music and its stuff. This neglected field of mine may have done a little rebellion of its own. I know for sure that gone are the days when I worship music and music reveres me, all the same. It's like an ongoing affinity, or relationship. You don't do it when you are most available, or the least worried about usual stuffs. You do it on a regular basis. Minus the reasons of course.I'm having constant reconnections with music, but the rebellion has yet to be quelled. Probably, it needs a significant chunk of my time. Ironically, I'm having doubts, all of which I know are borne out of stubbornness or plainly just fear, and put a little logic and freakin' reasons. I know a few agents of music, and hell, I dunno, I have a strong feeling I ought to despise them. They embody music, and it's biased. Loathsome. I shall love music, wholeheartedly, once again, and embrace it both arms-wide. But that would probably be the time I learn to dissociate these warm bodies with every like, every kind, every rhythm, every tonality, every melody, and every friggin' sound of music. Feels like you love them. And why the hell should I follow suit? This is difference. And it means abhorrence.
Softcore Rant
Hehe. Napa-update tuloy ako ng wala sa schedule. Negativity. Always the strong element that never fails to push me to write anew anything. Virtually anything. Monday, November 5, 2007. You shall be remembered all throughout. --> First and foremost, Migraine. My left temple kept throbbing up until the last minute. It felt like my heart kept pumping energy to the thousands of jackhammers inside my head. And my great capillaries, I swear, would have grown into arteries, actual size. I hope it's not tumor. And if it is, splendid relief. Death is most welcome.--> Secondly, Insomnia. This great friend I've thought for months, and what a heap of joy to have realized that it had left me for someone more worthy. But no. The customer is back. With a vengeance. Sleep arrives at the most untimely moment, say, over dinner? It wouldn't be an exagerration to note that the soup[this time, the dreadful tinola], splattered over me when I reached for it from the end of the dining table. It could pass for stupidity, but no, I'll blame it for Insomnia. After 3am, it arrives, like an expected thief of the night, stashing away my precious sleep.-->Thirdly, no reunion with HS friends. Tsk. Everyone's busy, and I'm busy catching up sleep during the day. Or playing PC games. Or reading this novel. --> Next, this I wouldn't elaborate more. This is a secret. Hehe. Pero, nakakarelate ako sa'yo. Ok lang yan. You are goddamn honest, and I can't be like that. Especially in that aspect. Really a sensitive one. Haha! I'll do it. Focus. This is a new beginning.Business.--> The PSE trading this day all the more provided me the grimace. And I thought the main index would rally over the half percentage point cut made by the Fed. That's hefty, ok? Profit taking must be the culprit. I mean, the bourse could've made some edging over the long holiday, plus window-dressing. Companies would be posting strong corporate figures for 3rd quarter I assume, and these should be more than enough reason for a rally. --> The Peso is at 43.55 per dollar. That's great news. At almost 12% appreciation, we are just behind the Indian Rupee as Asia's Top Performing currency. We could topple them. We shall.--> The sad part. Oil, and crude, in the next few days, if the situations worsen, would breach $100 a barrel. That's oil crisis for us. It's already at $95-$96. I just hope it would plummet back to just $70-$80. An already high oil price would dampen our growth. We are aiming for at least 7% GDP for 2007. Hay. Sad news. Sad news. I'm just a little depressed. Daming excuses, no? Labels: -ber, Sadness, tracking the stock market ang hobby.., Updates
V for Virus. V for Victims!
Sometimes, too much is really disgusting. This is the case when your parents go out of their usual way, and act eerie. Creepy. In the spirit of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, we shall use "creepy". And may I suggest horrifying? We won't use weird in here, for it only pertains to HRH, Kristine Villanueva .[special mention!]Anyway, my parents would probably pass if tested for senility. My dad is just a little over 50, and my mom is at her 47, but they have literally gone out of their own bounds. I don't know, some people would probably say they are just rekindling their relationship. Actually, they were in some kind of a rumble a few weeks before. Same encounters, minus the cussing, or the nagging, just plain talking non-stop. Rather boring, eh?Digression. All Saints' Day was highlighted by this quasi-family bonding while watching a horror slash sci-fi slash blood-oozing rich scenes film, 28 weeks later . I think everyone should watch this one, especially those loving the science fiction. Although I've had enough of zombies. I still can't get past the trauma of seeing zombies with their sanities intact; they cry, they can remember, they plan things, they bond with friends, they even dress like cops, and are employed as cops!! ** Emotionally privileged walking corpses, zombies ought to be dumb!Going back, after the movie, my mom lunged at my dad, and she started biting his leg. Talk about getting infected with the virus. And my dad fought back. They were even moving damn slow, just like zombies. Even running after the other. Tsk. Parents?! What did we do wrong? Is this your way of telling us that we are no longer a happy family? We could talk of these, in one sitting, over dinner? But why?!?!There, friends, patrons, countrymen, you have marveled at such act worthy of the police's incident report. The truth of the matter is, it isn't appealling. It is appalling! Contact a shrink for me. My siblings and I, we badly need one. And we'll pay for the bills that'll be incurred.** The fate-forsaken film is titled Zombie Nation.Labels: -ber, Family, Tragedy, Updates
